I Thought I Loved You Then

I want to ride my Tricycle!

2012-02-08T20:58:00.003-06:00

We have been having unseasonably warm weather around here. Not even an inch of measureable snow. It's pretty weird considering the last two winters have been full of snow and blizzards and really cold temperatures. As much as I *kind of* miss the snow, I am thoroughly enjoying being able to take Addie outside most every day. If you have never been around a 2 year old, let me just tell you, they get cabin fever after being indoors for about an hour. Addie is no exception, she needs to run and jump and play outside. Lately though, she has mastered riding her tricycle. This is the only kind of playing she wants to do outside. No more swinging in the backyard. No more sidewalk chalk. This girl only wants to ride her "bike". And she only wants to ride it in the driveway, in continuous circles, for an hour, occasionally demanding we watch her "ride mah biiiiike!". Oh and I don't dare call it a tricycle, because to her it is most definitely a bike. For your viewing pleasure, my future Tour de France participant.

She decided hats are so not cool, she needs to feel the wind in her hair!

These are her typical poses: straight smiling from pure joy, tongue out, going under the bridge aka Big Daddy's legs and telling me to watch her.
Sometimes she stops long enough for me to take a profile shot. And then I can hardly believe how big she has gotten.
So I take a picture of her little hands so I can remember what they looked like when they were small and still a little chubby.

Family Photos

2011-12-02T05:00:00.000-06:00

I haven't blogged in 5 months. Don't ask me why, because I don't know. But now that Addie's birthday has happened and I am all nostalgic and where did my baby go, I figure I should maybe try to blog more. To you know, document our life and such. Anyway, my good friend Christina took our family pictures a few weeks ago. She is talented, and amazing. See for yourself.

I know right? More to come. Because also? Big Daddy got me a brand new camera and I have been quite the photo taker lately.

2 Years

2011-12-01T04:00:00.001-06:00

Dear Adeline,

I can hardly believe you are 2 years old. Time is such a weird thing. The 9 months you grew in my belly seemed to lag on and on. Once they were over it seemed as if it flew by. The first few weeks of up all nights and rocking for hours seemed endless. But then, before I knew it you were not only sleeping through the night, but crawling and then walking in the blink of an eye. If I really let myself think about it, oh, my heart hurts. It hurts because I don't think I will ever feel like I soaked up enough of your newborn-ness, or your adorable wrist rolls or your first stumbly steps. And when I realize how fast 2 years has gone by I then start to think about how fast the next 5, 10, 15 will go. And then? I have to stop myself.

I remind myself that you ARE constantly changing and growing and I need to enjoy where you are right now. Soak up all that is you. Like your sleepy smile and how you love for me to sing "You are my Sunshine". And your cheese face and how you say, "Thank you, welcome!". You are so smart, you literally learn something new every day. Just last week you picked up crayons and started spouting off which color was which. I mean, when did you learn that? You constantly surprise me.

And you are so sweet. You love to offer hugs and kisses, you love to get hugs and kisses. You especially love to kiss your own owies, which is pretty freaking cute.

You make me laugh every day, and apparently you think you are quite the comedian because you are often saying, "Addie funny!".

Yes Adeline you are funny. And like I already said smart and sweet and also perfect. Every day I feel lucky to be your mom, every day I feel blessed. Even when you are showing your ever growing strong will. Especially then. You have taught me so much in these two years, I love you for that.

Happy Birthday sweet girl!

Love,

Momma

Happy Birthday 'Merica!

2011-07-18T05:00:00.000-05:00

I realize 4th of July was about 15 days ago, but it took me about that long to find the camera cord, download the pictures and write this blog so, forgive me. Anyway, this post is full of pictures, lots and lots of pictures. Because over the weekend of the 4th we did lots and lots of things.

Adeline and I started the weekend of right with an at home patriotic pedicure.

Friday night, our little town had an AMAZING fireworks show. It was free and before the show they had concessions and bounce houses set up and music. Addie was content to play on the nearby playground. Content of course until I made her rest on the blanket for a while. It was super hot that day. Here she is playing on the playground and about to protest not being able to run across the parking lot to go see......

....this guy. There was a line of kids waiting to get their picture taken with the guy on stilts. Addie doesn't understand the concept of lines very well yet, neither the fact that you have to wait nor the fact that you can't just run to the front. So we enjoyed the stilt dude from afar.

She quickly forgot about the above when she saw Big Daddy's nachos. She quite enjoyed her first nachos I must say. And then Grandma Patti bought her, her very first Bomb Pop, which she also enjoyed thoroughly. And THEN, when she was getting dangerously close to her breaking point, she was happily distracted by one of those light up spinny around things.

Before we knew it, the show started. It was beautiful. A local radio station was playing patriotic music timed with the fireworks. Addie was mesmerized.

The rest of the weekend was spent on the boat and in the water. I have mentioned before, but, we are very blessed to not only live by a bunch of lakes, but also to have family who invite us out on their boats all the time. Addie has gotten quite good at swimming I must say. The puddlejumper lifejacket has been a life saver!

Addie loves hanging out with her cousins. I can't say I blame her, they are fun, and super cute. I mean look at these guys!

On the actual 4th we tied up my cousin's and my uncle's boat and had a grand old time. Addie even wore a patriotic swimsuit!

We ended the night with a pre-fireworks show dance party. It was pretty much amazing, as you can see.

It was a fabulous weekend, and you won't even believe how tired we all were the next day. But it was all worth it!

Summer Bucket List-Stealing BFF's son/snuggling baby edition

2011-07-15T05:00:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks ago one of my BFFs Christina kicked labor and delivery's ass and had an adorable baby boy. It's not like I was too surprised by this baby's freakish good looks, her first son is handsome and cute and super smart, it just makes sense that this trend would continue (and hopefully at least once more, right?). Anyway, I told Christina that I would love to grab her oldest son Rowan one day (or more) so she could rest and have some one-on-one time with baby Wyatt. And she, of course, was totally down with that plan.

So I showed up at her house, with Addie and Big Daddy and away we went. Luckily Christina lives near a super fun area to walk around and a few parks. Addie was in her stroller and Rowan rode on his tricycle. Rowan said way too many cute things that I wish I would have written down, because seriously, this kid slays me. Once we were at the park Addie and Ro pretty much stuck together and they will probably be BFFs. See pictures for evidence of said BFF-ness.

Addie and Rowan illegally climbing the slide, despite my best efforts to convince them not too. And Rowan explaining to Addie how she had "one more turn then SHARE the bell" on his tricycle. And Addie was all, "Dude, I don't know what share means".

Here Rowan was explaining something about the house across the street that was being worked on with rocks in the driveway and how he likes to drives on rocks. And also, do you see his hair? I want his hair!

And just when I thought Addie and Ro were starting to act more brother and sister and less BFFs I see this. Yeah, I know.

A week later I called Christina and let her know I would be free to snuggle baby Wyatt the next evening. So I headed over to her house fully intended on snuggling for about 45 minutes and then promptly heading to the gym. Except, once you start snuggling a two week old, it's hard to stop. And it gets even harder when his Mom asks if you mind holding him so she can whip up something for their older brother to eat. You get where I am going with this? I didn't go to the gym. I did, however, snuggle an adorable, calm little guy and chat and catch up with his Momma for a good few hours.

Okay, so maybe there is a little something there

2011-07-14T05:00:00.001-05:00

It's no secret/surprise/shock that everyone and their mom thinks that Adeline is a direct clone of Big Daddy, right? I always respond with something about how she has a bit of me in there too, how she gets the stubborn flare, or maybe the funny facial expressions from me. Sometimes I even say that she has a BRILLLLIANT personality, like me.

(Do you remember that commercial from the 90s? Some lady was being interviewed and they kept asking her questions and she had no job skills, and kept telling them, "But I have a BRILLLLIANT personality!" It was on during the day, I saw it all the time when I was home sick, which was a lot because I had strep throat/tonsillitis/ear infections on the regular.)

Anyway, I am going to be honest. As much as I think Big Daddy is the most handsome guy around and love that my daughter looks like him, there is a teeny tiny part of me that gets kind of.....I don't know, bummed, when everyone constantly mentions how she is a clone of him and never mentions what DNA I may have given to her (besides that sassy attitude!). Except lately, a few, literally like two or three people, have started saying they think she looks like both of us, or a little bit like me. Say what??!?!?! So I figured I would see for myself, the same way I always have for Big Daddy. A picture of Addie and I around the same age, side by side.

Addie at 18 months on the left and me at around the same age.

There's something there, right? Can we go ahead and point out the luscious locks that my big brother was sporting? I think this is when he had a rat tail. Bring the rat tail back brother, BRING IT BACK!!! And also, I wish my mom would have kept more of my baby clothes. Vintage cord Osh Kosh overall jumper? I die!

Summer Bucket List-The Zoo Edition

2011-07-13T05:00:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks ago the weather mysteriously cooled down and we knew it was potentially our only chance to go to the zoo without melting. Seriously, the heat index today was 115 degrees. Anyway, we packed up snacks and water and off we went.

Addie went from wanting to be out of the stroller, to wanting to be in, then out and then mostly in when she realized we were going to be walking about 3 miles round trip through the zoo. I haven't been to our zoo since I was in elementary school and I must say I was pretty impressed.

Addie liked looking at the tiger, polar bear and the lion. She kept roaring at almost every animal and we had to keep telling her, "That's the lemur/sloth/horn-billed bird of some kind Addie, it doesn't roar, it...um...it just doesn't roar okay?"

Our zoo is set up in trail form kind of. The trail just kind of dumps you in this petting zoo with a bunch of sheep. I mean literally you have to walk through the sheep to get to the other part of the zoo. I was a little worried how Addie would react, or more importantly how the sheep would react to Addie. Luckily, they got along perfectly. It helps that Addie likes to feed our dog Tucker all the time. She's so sweet that she gets into his food all day long to give Tuck handfuls here and there. Feeding sheep? Complete second nature to her.

We had enough of the sheep and moved on down the trail to Australia. There were all these signs about making sure to close the gate behind you. I was thinking, man they are serious about keeping these gates closed. And then we round the corner and there are kangaroos about 10 feet from us...with no fence holding them back. Pretty sure I could of just walked right on into the shady area and petted that little kangaroo. But I didn't, because I feel like I remember learning that kangaroos aren't nice and they can kick really hard with their big ole feet. But Addie didn't understand when I wouldn't let her out of the stroller, she apparently didn't believe me when I told her that that cute little kangaroo would not appreciate her showing it how "Niiiiiiiiiiiiicccccce" she could be.

And then we saw some lazy sleepy hippos. Which you really can't see in this picture, but I promise they are there. And also? I am there. See me? See my hand and head showing Addie the hippos? Addie also roared at the hippos and I told her that I indeed think hippos make some sort of roaring noise so, therefore genius baby.

It was dangerously nearing nap time and we had made the complete laps around the zoo. But we stopped for one last picture with the giant polar bear statue.

And then Addie fell asleep in the car on the way home.

Summer Bucket List-Library Storytime

2011-07-12T05:00:00.001-05:00

So Adeline has never really been to daycare, thanks to the booming construction industry (get it?) and my summers off schedule. I picked Library Storytime as a Bucket List activity because I was curious to see how Addie did in a structured environment. You know other than being in the living room coloring and then switching to playing chase. I was happy to find out that Big Daddy's aunt not only works at a local library....but she leads Toddler Storytime. So we signed up and packed up and went.

It wasn't pretty. I mean, it wasn't ugly, but it wasn't completely awesome. I didn't even get out my camera. We got there a little too early I think. By the time class started Addie was pretty much at her attention span max, like okay, let's blow this joint Momma! At first she was super in to the playtime at the beginning. And then Aunt Jeannie started playing the cleanup music and Addie was all, um, no thanks I'll keep playing. And then we sang the "Find a Lap" song and Addie shot me a look that more or less said, I don't sit still, especially in a lap, and if you try to make me sit still in a lap I will wiggle out, and squirm, and may or may not loudly protest being made to sit in such a confined space as your lap Mom. (She did all these things BTW). So I looked at Big Daddy and we decided to head out. At that point Addie was for serious the only kid not sitting still, and not being quiet. I didn't want her to cause a riot or "ruin" the other perfectly behaved children's storytime. Not one to be easily defeated or give up I totally went back the next week.

And? It was amazing. Addie didn't sit in my lap the whole time, but neither did every other kid. She liked the songs, and dancing, and being read to. She LOVED helping clean up and hand out the books. She did great. (P.S. Bringing fruit snacks and a sippy to bribe doesn't hurt. Also having Addie's Godmother there to distract may be helpful.) She was basically the cutest kid there so that makes up for any bit of sassy behavior she may have displayed.

For instance: Upon arriving to the library Adeline made sure to kiss and try to hug all the little characters on the end caps.

And she loved playing on the little mats and things. Climbing! At a library! SO AWESOME!

This is Adeline NOT sitting in my lap, but being good nonetheless. (Note Aunt Jeannie in the purple shirt)

Blurry shots because of a fast-moving toddler and a slow shutter speed. And because she was making her froggy DAAAAANCE! (Note other child not sitting in a lap)

Still adorable right? Overall it was a success and we hope to go back again this week or next. Or both!

18 Month Photo Shoot

2011-07-11T05:00:00.000-05:00

So, yes, Addie is about 19.5 months old. So this may seem a little late. Right? Well...it is. But I swear these photos were taken when Addie was much closer to 18 months okay? Okay. Monika Herbert @ monphotography.com took pictures again. It was a gloomy, kind of sprinkly day and Addie didn't sit still for longer than 30 seconds at a time and Monika still managed to get some amazing shots (and didn't seem to mind chasing my busy little bee either :))

She makes this face all the time, about to do something ornery.

I know, this tugs at my heart strings. Not yet Addie! NOT YET!!

Those eyes! The curls! I die!

Running from Monika and laughing about it.

Beautiful shot.

Splash Park

2011-06-30T23:15:00.003-05:00

So remember that Summer Bucket List I made? No? Well you can read it here. Anyway, I have been working hard to cross things off that list left and right. I bet you just can't hardly wait to see what we have been doing! Right? Well let's get this party started shall we?

Last week Adeline and I met up with Addie's friend Evie and her mom at a local park. It's quite a large park with really pretty gardens and acres of land to walk around on. We figured the girls would run and run and run and wear themselves out and then we could go to lunch. Except, Addie was more into looking at flowers and walking really, really, slow instead of running. Which really boggles my mind, if we are in a smaller space like a store, or our house, or you know the cry room at church, Addie wants to run and jump around to her hearts content, even though it may not be that appropriate at the time. But take her to a big huge field and she's all, nah, I'd rather sit here and pick these flowers.

As evidenced by Addie totally ignoring me trying to take her picture because she is all too interested in picking weeds/flowers. Evie is always smiling for the camera though!

We were walking when we spotted what we thought was a playground. Addie was pretty curious.

Once we got closer we realized it was a spash park. We went to the gate only to find a sign that said, "Closed Wednesday". Honestly, at this point, I was okay with not playing in the splash park because I am not so much the spontaneous type and I didn't have clothes for Addie to change into. While Jocelyn and I were discussing what to do, the maintenance guy came over and told us that the park was closed for cleaning but was opening up in about 5 minutes. Jocelyn twisted my arm and assured me that she has a change of clothes for Addie that we could borrow. So into the park we went.

And? The girls loved it of course!

Addie had so much fun running around and playing in the water. I think she was a little surprised that her Momma was letting her run around in clothes, but I think she got over it pretty fast.

It was a beautiful day and we had a great time. One fun thing off the list :)

In honor of Father's Day

2011-06-19T03:38:00.003-05:00

How about another addition of, my daughter looks like her Daddy? Okay?

On the left is Big Daddy at approximately 2 1/2 years old. On the right, Adeline at 18 months.

I know. I KNOW, right?

Summer Bucket List

2011-06-08T14:16:00.005-05:00

So, I am a follower, duh. I was inspired to make a Summer Bucket List. A list of fun things to do with/for Adeline and a few just for me. I go back to work/school August 10th, so that leaves me a little less than two months to get all this crossed off...I think we can do it!

1) The zoo at least twice

2) Splash park

3) Fingerpaint a mural on butcher paper for playroom.

4) Make shelves for playroom/organize and decorate a little more

5) Deanna Rose

5) Wonderscope

6) Library story time

7) Mall playplace (scary!)

8) Visit the Joe to see BFF

9) Steal other BFF's first born for walks around DTLS

10) Also snuggle time with BFF's soon to be second born

11) Baseball game

12) Weekly date night with Big Daddy

13) Pedi/Mani day with my Momma

14) Boat days

15) Try a spray tan

16) Learn how to make sangria

17) Have a pool party (pending the parts that keep breaking on the pool)

18) Weekend trip to STL

19) Cook dinner at least 3 nights a week

What's on your Summer Bucket List?

Downtown Days

2011-06-08T05:00:00.001-05:00

What's a family to do when it's nearly 100 degrees and there is a festival in town? Why pack a cooler with lots of ice water and go to it. Duh.

Addie was SO ready to go, she ran out to get into the wrong car.

We walked and walked and walked. We cooled off with water and Capri Sun. Addie had enough of the stroller after a while and totally walked like a little angel, holding Big Daddy's hand and never trying to lose his grip and run off. (HAhahahaha!) She also got to try her first taste of homemade root beer and then learned that sharing is caring with her friend Evie.

We were able to avoid a sweaty, grumpy tantrum by tying a balloon to her stroller. Addie+balloon= True Love

We ended the evening with a ride on a carousel, Addie's first ever. I wish this picture could have captured the pure joy Addie was experiencing. She was squealing and laughing and smiling at me SO big.

On the way out, Big Daddy was convinced to try that hammer to ring the bell thing. Yeah, he totally won Addie a squeaky plastic hammer with his super strength. She was so excited! P.S. note the red cheeks? She totally gets that from me. If I passed any genetic code onto Addie, it's at least the Irish red cheeks when she is overheated. Hey at least it's something!

Date Night

2011-06-06T05:00:00.000-05:00

Every year the union Big Daddy belongs to hosts this big ole shindig. There is a huge tent with lots of food and free beer, and, um, free beer. And then you get to go see the Royals play some baseball. It can be a family event if you so choose, but we chose to get a babysitter and make a date night out of it. I mean, as much as it can be like a date when you are with 10,000 other people. We had SO much fun. It was flipping hot outside but I didn't care. I was with my handsome hubby, enjoying some refreshing adult beverages and laughing with each other. It was a much needed night away.

Some shots from the game. Note Big Daddy intently watching the game, and me, not so much watching!

Me and the love of my life.

I love that guy.

Memorial Day

2011-06-05T05:00:00.000-05:00

So if you remember last summer, you know that we are blessed to live near lakes and pools, and even more blessed to have family with boats that call us and say, "Hey come out on our boat!" And we of course, oblige, and secretly think....they have no idea what they just got themselves into. If you remember, last summer I posted adorable pictures of Adeline sleeping away on the boat, peaceful. This summer, don't expect much of that, because Addie isn't much for sitting still, especially on the boat. Especially when she doesn't understand that she can't leap into the water when the boat is moving, or that Mommy can't make the lake water warmer. I will, though, show you adorable pictures of my on-the-go baby. Today they are from Memorial Day weekend.

Snacking on the boat, playing at the beach with Daddy, and testing out the water with cousin Cooper. And yes, those are the most adorable sunglasses ever.

My little family.

Trying our hardest to distract from the leaping from the boat, juice and throwing cheerios over the side of the boat.

And then I captured these adorable moments of Adeline enjoying the beach with her Daddy. The water was SO cold though, so she was happy to let Big Daddy sit in the water for her.

18 month letter

2011-06-01T12:34:00.005-05:00

Dear Adeline,

You are 18 months old. Officially. Officially growing up. You would think by this time it would have sunk in that you are going to keep getting bigger, and smarter and maybe a bit sassier with each passing day. But it hasn't. Even as I put away more shirts that have gotten too snug and pants that are too short. The other day while organizing your closet I found a bin that had your hospital bracelet in it, and a newborn size diaper. I almost started crying. Then later that week I was talking to your Daddy, we talked about how adorable you are, and how smart, and how much you keep changing. I looked at him and said that I couldn't believe this year and a half has passed so quickly, and how we only had 16.5 years left before you went off to college. Your Daddy of course thinks I am being silly, overeacting to your big-kidness. But seriously Adeline? You really are growing up too fast for Momma. Each day when you learn something new it reminds me to pick up the camera or camcorder to capture it so I won't ever forget. And you really do learn something new every day. From the actions to "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and signing "I love You" to mimicking me putting on makeup and body spray. You haven't quite had a word explosion yet, but you surely communicate and get your point across. Whether it's vigorously signing "more", simply reaching up to hold my hand and leading me to what you want or saying "AH DONE!!" when you are tired of Momma brushing your hair. We can most of the time figure out what you are trying to say.

Sure there are times when we can't figure it out, and we both get frustrated. You take after me in the way that you are passionate about what you want. Particular. I wouldn't have it any other way my dear. I love your strong will, your spirited nature, it makes you, you. I love your sad face, and I love how quickly it gets replaced by squeals and laughter. I love your adventurous side, how you leap off the couch and leap into my arms.

Thank you for making each day better than the next. I can't wait to see what you do next!

Love,

Momma

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T10:00:00.003-05:00

We didn't take Addie to see the Easter Bunny last year. It's not that I have been anti-Bunny, I was more Bunny-apathetic. But this year we went to an event downtown and braved the Bunny. Addie LOVED him, or her. Adorable right?

Anyway, part of my reasoning for being wishy washy about the Bunny is because I don't want Addie to be confused as to why we celebrate Easter. I want her to be able to look past the eggs and Peeps, past the pretty dress and matching shoes. Not that I don't want her to enjoy those things, I just want her to know.

From our family to yours, Happy Easter. Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning.

Guest Post!!

2011-04-21T21:46:00.002-05:00

Hey! I know I have been such a slacker blogger lately but checkout my guest post I did for Jenn over at pdxmomma! I filled her in on all the dirty deets of being a working Momma!

http://pdxmomma.com/2011/04/21/this-is-how-i-do-it-katie/

Dancing with my baby

2011-03-20T10:16:00.003-05:00

Adeline and I have started a little thing. The girl loves to dance. Anytime she hears music she starts doing some sort of bouncing up and down or bobbing her head, hell she was "dancing" to the beat of the washing machine being off balance. A few weeks ago I picked her up with me while I was cleaning the kitchen (with music playing of course, I can't stand cleaning without music) and I held her and we danced. We bounced, we spun, we laughed. Now she will come to me and ask to be picked up and point to the radio, I say "Do you want to dance with Momma?" and she squeals and smiles with delight. We dance...a lot. Usually to fast, upbeat songs. This morning though a slow song came on and I started swaying slowly with Adeline. It instantly reminded me of her fussy newborn days when I would sway back and forth to calm her down. When I would take deep breaths to calm myself down so as to not pass on my tense, anxious feelings to her. When sometimes swaying and snuggling was the only way I knew how to show Adeline I loved her.

I expected her to squirm to get down because who wants to sway slowly with their Momma when it is NO-where close to nap time and there are much more fun things to do! But Addie laid her head down on my shoulder and wrapped her little arms around my neck. For the whole song. We swayed. We snuggled. I kissed her little cheeks. I felt so complete in that moment, so fulfilled. It made me realize how far we have come. Any drama in my life floated away and I was simply dancing with my baby. Then the next song came on, more upbeat and Addie started bouncing up and down in my arms, and giggling. So we danced some more. And we laughed. And spun.

Oh Hi Spring Break, nice to see you!

2011-03-16T16:15:00.008-05:00

Big Daddy had a side job to keep him busy and I was tired of spring cleaning so Addie and I had a morning filled with fun.

Addie was so excited to be going "BUUUUH" or bye-bye

We first went to Target to get some new skin care stuff for me. My skin is going wacko lately for whatever reason. Addie smiled at people as we walked by and pretty much was adorable, per usual.

Then we went to the pirate park. Where we had oh so much fun! Addie loved walking around and handing me wood chips and cigarette butts (no really, see middle picture).

She found some stairs to climb up and down and scare the crap out of me, because God forbid I try to keep her from falling. Then we swung, (swang?) which is pretty much Adeline's new fave thing to do.

Until of course she realized that running through the grass/mud was SO much more fun.

And turns out muddy grass can be kind of slippery, as evidenced by said mud on her jeans.

I convinced her that the grass and mud was overrated, so then she sat and stacked these wood chips for seriously 15 minutes. With such intensity!

It blows my mind sometimes how much Adeline looks like Big Daddy. But if you know my hubby personally then you can testify....the face below? He makes it ALL the time. I took about 20 shots if her doing this because I just couldn't get over the serious face, and how intently she was stacking the wood chips.

She wouldn't even stop for a picture with her Momma!

We sadly left the park and went straight home for lunch. Which Addie loved. Then she went straight to bed, I must have worn her out because she took a 3 HOUR NAP!!

While she napped I attempted to correct my skin problems. God Bless you Biore strips!

Believe it or not this was me trying to smile :) I realize this may look extreme but I am having to take extreme measures! And? I am only slightly embarrassed.

Luck of the Irish

2011-03-15T14:06:00.002-05:00

Oh hey there. Remember me? No? Okay. Well my name is Katie. And this is my blog that I have neglected. Don't fear! I bring pictures of a super cute toddler! An super cute Irish toddler!

Big Daddy and I started a tradition last year for St. Patrick's Day. We took our then 3 month old to our little ole town's little parade. Growing up I attended our big city's parade every year, yes, my Aunt pulled me out of school or my mom took off work. But the big city's parade? Can get a little crazy so we opted to go smaller scale. A year ago it was fun, but you know, Addie was a bitty baby and could have cared less. This year? She was excited!

See? All decked out in her green gear.

She was SO not into sitting in her stroller, I can't blame her because we were behind a row of peeps and she probably couldn't really see anything. So Big Daddy and I took turns holding her.

My Momma was there, and my Aunt and my cousin. Except I totally didn't get a picture with them. Sorry ladies! But they were there.

Anyway, Big Daddy's brother met us there and Addie totally had fun playing with his hat.

And also, we got a family shot!

This was the best out of the four that were taken. Family shots with a toddler are, um, difficult at best. It's like either Addie looks upset or either of us looks weird trying to get her to smile. So I chose the one where I look really good.

Sound good? Okay!

We had a great time. Our little ole town's parade is getting better and better every year. They even had llamas this year! Llamas!

How are you celebrating this special day?

Shoes! Ohmygawd Shoes!

2011-02-21T12:25:00.004-06:00

Friends and family? The time has come to admit something to you. Adeline is a budding fashionista. For real. She has been showing little signs here and there lately, little signs that she may not be the tomboy, dress hating little girl I was. For instance, she got a pair of sunglasses from my mom a couple weeks ago. She puts them on and smiles at you, and then cheese faces, and then if you say "Cute!" she leans her head on her shoulder all coy and smiles. She has also been letting me put bows in here hair, and headbands. She tries to put them on herself, gets frustrated and brings them to me. I place them on and she looks at me like "Aren't you going to say I look cute?" And then I tell her, and she grins and puts her head on her shoulder and bats her eyelashes. BATS HER EYELASHES. ::breathes into paperbag::

The culminating event took place just this past Saturday. Addie and were at Target with my mom, just walking around. My mom mentions wanting to look at shoes, maybe getting a pair for Spring for Adeline. So we stroll by the shoe section. I pick up a pair and place them back on the shelf. Addie starts to get upset. I look at her and can't figure out what she wants,

because I mean, she is toddler and isn't talking. Then I notice that she has her foot pointed out. I ask her if she wants me to try the shoe on her and she claps. So I tried the shoe on her and the squealed with delight. Pointing her foot and looking at it, trying to touch the shoe etc. I took the shoe off and placed them back on the shelf, Addie lost it. Like started to throw a tantrum. I quickly whisked her away and started telling her she didn't need those shoes, I tried to distract her when she grabbed a pair of sparkly flip flops off the wall. I then realized what was going on. She just wanted to try on shoes. So I put the flips flops on her and she squealed and rolled her foot around to watch them sparkle. She grinned, she beamed at me, like "OMG mom! Aren't these adorbs!" . Meanwhile my mom grabbed the shoes Addie had tried on a few m

inutes before and brought them to her in typical Grandmas fashion. Addie squealed again. And then? Then she hugged the shoes. Hugged them. My daughter hugged a new pair of shoes. This may be a problem my friends. This may be a problem.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T05:30:00.000-06:00

From Adeline

We celebrated yesterday with our tradition of heart shaped pizzas and sugar cookie decorating.

Oh and we attempted making valentines with Addie.

Pictures to come!

You know how I know?

2011-02-13T13:11:00.003-06:00

How do I know I am better? How do I know I have come a long way?

Some days it's the little things. Addie's whines and cries don't get to me, don't make me panic, don't make my heart race. I am able to comfort her, what's more she actually comes to me to be comforted. Other days, like this weekend it's the bigger things.

I have overcame one of my most anxiety producing experiences. An experience that a year ago would have driven me to a point of no return. You remember how one of my biggest struggles with my PPA was going out in public with Adeline? How I worried that she would cry or throw a fit and people would think I was a horrible mother. How I made up excuses left and right to not have to go out to eat or to the store by myself. And hang out with other moms? Forget it. Absolutely forget it. I felt like other moms would be the most judgey of them all.

But a few weeks ago I made plans to meet some area moms for a playdate. Moms I have never met in person. Moms I only kind of knew through a message board. The day came and I almost wanted to back out. But I didn't. I packed Adeline up. I made sure we had some Goldfish and milk and a lovey to deter a tantrum and off we went. To meet other moms and babies. Who were strangers. Oddly enough I wasn't that nervous. We were early, Adeline waited patiently for 10 minutes. And then she wanted down. And then she wanted to run around. I started to sweat a little, like, literally. I didn't want to be the mom with the only wild child. I muttered something about how she was being hyper and one of the other moms busy wrangling her own child looked at me and said "She's a toddler, that's how she's supposed to act". Instant relief. Addie fussed a few times after that. I didn't care. I redirected, I chased her, we played. I chatted with the mommas. And then we went to lunch. And I wrangled a hungry and dangerously close to nap time Adeline. Once she got some juice and grilled cheese she was fine. Even charming the other mom with a head tilt and a sweet and simple "Hi."

I didn't ever feel judged. The other moms were so nice and down to earth and real. None of us pretended we had the best behaved/only organic fed/150 word vocabulary/never tantruming child. I felt support and community. And I laughed, and Addie laughed.

I survived. I have accomplished so much in the past year and doing something as simple as a mommy meet up shows just how far I have come. It feels so good to be here.

Not ready

2011-01-30T15:31:00.003-06:00

Not at all. Like not even a little bit. I mean I know I want to, I know we want to, eventually. I never thought I would be leaving it this much up in the air. Me. Miss Plan-it-all. And of course people have started to ask, as Adeline is speeding into toddlerhood.

When are you guys gonna have another?

Um. Sometime in the next 5 years. I can say that pretty definitely. Kind of. Before we had Adeline we were going to space our kids about 2 years apart. Then we had her and I realized that dear all that is holy I will not survive another winter baby. Especially a toddler plus winter baby. So 2.5 years seemed better. A spring/summer sibling for Addie. Perfect right?

Which meant I was going to stop taking the pill in March. Like next month. And we would start trying in June. Like THIS June. We practiced NFP before Addie and avoided a pregnancy for 5 months so we felt confident we could stop the pill and not immediately get pregnant. Plus you know, my OB says to be off hormonal birth control for a few months before getting pregnant. We had planned on using NFP exclusively. Nothing like PPD to throw a wrench in that. Anyway that's a little backstory to say this. We aren't trying this year. For so many reasons. Money being a big one. Um kids are expensive. Granted we wouldn't need to buy a lot for another baby. But chances are I am going to have to formula feed. And formula? Is pricey. And diapers, and daycare etc.

Also? Addie is a busy busy girl and I just can't quite see myself chasing her around quite yet whilst tending to the needs of a newborn. The girl doesn't stop ever.

Also? Addie is SO much fun right now. I just want to soak up all of her that I can.

Also? I want to lose a lot more weigh first. I have lost 23 pounds and honestly would like to be down at least 50 more before we start trying to have another baby.

Most importantly. I just don't feel it. I don't have baby fever. At all. I mean you could say I haven't had exposure but you guys? I have had exposure. I have seen 4 fresh out of the oven babes in the last month alone. No uterus twitches, no ovary tingling. I mean I love seeing newborns. They are SO freaking cute. So snuggly. So squishy. So fragile (which Addie SO does not understand!). But I hold them and feel no desire to do it all over again. Yet.

And neither does Big Daddy. So we talked about putting it off until Spring of 2012. Which we still might do. Maybe. We talked the other night and I asked him,

"Do you think we will know, will we get that feeling like we did with Adeline? I mean how will we know?"

In typical Big Daddy fashion he said "We will just know".

So that's it. It's weird to be here. This state of unknown. Especially for me. But I kind of like it. And more importantly I am okay with it. For now, I am spending all the time I can with Adeline. Snuggling her and reading books and playing tag. Letting her point out my belly button and teaching her sign language. And loving being a Momma to just one sweet little girl.

Genius Baby

2011-01-19T06:00:00.000-06:00

It's been a little while since you have gotten to see Adeline being her super cute self. Unless of course you know me IRL then chances are you have seen her recently. Either way, enjoy this clip of Adeline showing off some of her new skills. And also completely ignoring my requests to show off more skills.

I just love this little girl so much.

Snow Day

2011-01-17T13:43:00.004-06:00

It finally snowed here! Which is such a change from last winter. But of course right when I upload these pictures it snowed again and lots of it. So be forewarned, there shall be more pictures of Addie in the snow. But while you are here take a look at Addie's first real snow!

Oh my gosh. I could nom those cheeks all day.

She totally stuck her tongue out to catch the snowflakes, I didn't even have to show her!

Then we caught snowflakes together.

Then we changed into dry clothes and Addie Beth sported her new favorite shirt.

Hey you would love snow days too if it meant your Momma got to stay home from work!

Not done yet! Check out this super adorable video of Adeline "sledding" with the help of her Daddy.

There's a pause button right?

2011-01-12T21:22:00.004-06:00

Dear Adeline,

So I didn't write you a letter when you turned 13 months. I also didn't sit you in your brown chair and take a picture of you next to your giraffe. I have no good reason why, no good explanation. Except that maybe, maybe it's just me letting go of a bit of your babyness. Maybe I was slightly trying to avoid the "Oh she is sooo THAT mom" thoughts. I went to fill out your baby book the other day, some new milestones you have reached and it was starting me right in the face. Your baby book? It's, um, pretty much full. As in there isn't another page after 12 months, no 13 months slot for a picture. Sure there are some blanks on the tooth page, a few empty spots for some doctors visits, some space to write about your first words, but that's about it. The most bittersweet part for me is that there are no empty journal pages. The entire reason I got the baby book I did was because it was less fill-in-the-blank and much more writing about your life. I loved writing about each month, what you were doing, what you were learning, how freaking amazing you are. Now, that portion of your baby book is complete. You are growing up, turns out it really does happen no matter how much I will it not too.

You are so incredibly fun, and smart and beautiful. Your daddy and I were talking, just tonight, about the explosion of new things you have been doing in the last couple weeks. You started blowing kisses, and running, at the same time quite often. You dribble a soccer ball across the room. You went from pointing to your "piggies" when we ask to now also pointing to your belly button and tongue. When we ask you what a cow says you proudly say "MMMMMoo", major emphasis on the MMMM. We have been trying FOREVER to get you to sign, anything really. This week you suddenly picked up "more" and "all done". We are actually communicating here baby girl! This is progress! But let's not get too ahead of ourselves hmmm, because oh my goodness the tantrums. You my dear, have it down to quite a science. Oh and the testing us business, okay it's actually kind of cute when you get that little grin on your face right after I say "on your bottom" as you start to stand up in your chair again. But if it's already like this at nearly 14 months, Lord help us make it to 2 years! Each day brings new challenges, each day brings new experiences, each day I truly think there isn't any possible way I could love you anymore. Except I do.

And I thought I loved you then.

I'm a little teapot

2011-01-11T12:34:00.003-06:00

Stress.

It's a fact of life for sure. But right now? I have about had my limit. There is so much going on right now, many things I can't even really write about on here. And many things I feel like a big whiny baby for even complaining about. I've had enough. I am one bad day away from losing my optimism. My optimism is what has held me together, well mine or Big Daddy's. On days when I was all "Woe is me", Big Daddy always backed me up with an assurance that everything is going to be okay. And it has been. For the most part.

Prepare for some word vomit because I just have to freaking get this out of my head.

Big Daddy has been laid off since September 1st. Which hit right in the middle of my unemployment that lasted from May to September. Which also was not the first time Big Daddy was laid off last year. Turns out, there isn't a lot of sheet metal work out there for him to do. So I get a job as a school nurse which I freaking love, but it doesn't pay as much as hospital nursing, which I am okay with because I didn't expect Big Daddy's lay off to last too long. Except it has. And then I feel like this big bag of FAIL because I took a job that was more time off with my daughter and less raking in the dough.

And Big Daddy? Calls shops a few times a week to get his name further up on the list. And each time they tell him they have work coming up at the end of the month, except they don't. And he has applied at a gazillion jobs outside of sheet metal, even non-construction jobs. Turns out, non-construction jobs aren't too impressed with his five year apprenticeship trade school training and want something more of the BA variety. He calls, and calls and calls. He goes to shops, he goes to meetings to network. And still, nothing.

And? We already went through hell and back with PPD/PPA last year. We had to give away a dog. I have family members having money troubles and housing market troubles. My mom just broke her ankle. And Big Daddy's mom has to have surgery in February. And we are barely making it. And?

Addie has to have surgery on her stupid blocked tear duct that hasn't gone away yet. Watching her at the pediatric opthomalogist yesterday was enough fun. She lost her shit when the doctor got near her eye, and then the doctor was all "I'm just going to squish on your tear duct real hard to see if I can get any mucous to come out, you don't mind do you dear?". And Addie was like, "Don't freaking touch me bish, SAH-CURITAY!". And I wanted to break down right there and cry anticipating how awful it's going to be to have to watch Addie get an IV, and then be all sedated and high, and then come out of anesthesia. And then I get hit with MASSIVE Mommy guilt that somehow this minor (but not minor to me) birth defect is my fault, because you know I incubated her and all. And maybe I shouldn't have drank that glass (bottle) of wine the weekend after a negative test, because turns out I was indeed with child. And then I get hit with even more guilt because, come on, it's seriously *just* a blocked tear duct and I should be thanking my lucky stars that this is all we are having to deal with. And then get all woe is me, because, for serious, it's just too much. And then there's this part of me that's like, get over it. And most days I do. I strap on my optimism and forge ahead.

But some days, like today? I feel like a teapot on the verge of boiling over and whistling.

A day at the park

2011-01-06T18:55:00.003-06:00

Sometime after Christmas, but before New Years it was 50 degrees outside! This is quite a feat for our neck of the woods. So we headed out to a park. A new park, new to Addie at least. She had a freaking blast. Her favorite part was walking on the ground, you know the soft, cushy playground ground. You know? Anyway!

She is adorable. I must say. Watching her trample all over the playground like such a big kid was so fun. She would squeal and attempt to run all over. But she can't quite run yet so it was more like 5 really quick steps then a tumble, get back up and repeat.

We swung together, it was so much fun I cheesy smiled the whole time. See?

Then we pulled grass and threw it in the air. Which was serious business.

Then Big Daddy took her down a slide and they got stuck. Addie didn't seem to mind.

It was a beautiful day and a great respite from the well below freezing temps around here.

Recap.

2011-01-04T17:44:00.006-06:00

Oh boy. I really wanted to write like 20 different blogs because you guys? My little family has been BUSY! Busy enough to type in all caps. Instead of 20 different posts ya'll get a super huge, probably too long, full of photos recap. You're welcome.

Just before Christmas we celebrated my SIL's birthday. We got a babysitter and drank too much beer and had too much fun.

Then I got to meet two adorable new baby girls and forgot to take pictures, but I swear it happened.

Christmas Eve we went to Big Daddy's Dad's side to celebrate. Addie had a cousin to play with, and by play I mean chase around the house and try to hug and kiss. We also posed by pretty trees.

That evening we went to Mass and Addie lost her shit in front of 2000 people, no pictures of that though. Then we went to my Grams. I love my family more than words can say. Addie was quite the center of attention, so was my Aunt Carol.

Christmas morning was special. Seriously. I loved spending time with my little family and watching Addie and Big Daddy open all their gifts. Addie and I had matching jammies. Big Daddy got lots of hunting stuff, because, you know he hunts. Addie got lots of cute things, she really loved her Cozy Coupe and Cabbage Patch doll.

My favorite thing? The play kitchen Big Daddy made Adeline. I sewed the curtain, that's about it. I love it, Big Daddy loves it. Addie? Walks right by it every day.

Also on Christmas Day? We totally stopped in to see my cousin's baby. She is brand new and teeny tiny and so incredibly adorable. Addie really wanted to touch her, especially when Gma Patti was holding her.

And then the day after Christmas is Big Daddy's birthday. I made some homemade lasagna and our parents came over.

Also? There was a random nice day just before Christmas and Big Daddy snapped this cute pic of Addie.

Oh, oh oh. And? AND! I finally got a shot of Addie sleeping. She literally pops right up the moment you open her door. Except this day, she slept right on through. And when I found her sleeping like this, I had to sneak back out and grab the camera.

Yes, she is totally cross-legged and bootie in the air.

That's it, my Christmas break in a nutshell. I really, really loved being home for two weeks with my little family. Gotta love school nursing!

Happy Birthday Big Daddy

2010-12-26T06:00:00.000-06:00

Today my wonderful Hubby turns the big 2-5. To celebrate I made a list of 25 things I love about him.

1. He said I do on an altar 2 years ago.

2. He sees past my flaws.

3. He gives amazing foot rubs.

4. His smile.

5. He makes me laugh every day.

6. He knows how to apologize.

7. He lets me steal his pillow in the middle of the night.

8. He can make things with his hands.

9. He fixes things around the house.

10. He helps others.

11. He became Catholic.

12. He loves to cook.

13. His incredibly deep blue eyes.

14. The amazing father he is.

15. He took his vows very seriously.

16. He called my doctor.

17. He didn't complain.

18. His strong shoulders.

19. His love for nature and the outdoors.

20. His curly hair.

21. His strong desire to provide.

22. His strong hugs.

23. The way he can say everything is going to be alright and I know he means it.

24. His calm, soothing nature.

25. He makes me feel special.

Happy Birthday Justin, I love you more than you know.

Reverb10-Dec 15

2010-12-15T19:53:00.002-06:00

December 15 – 5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010

Addie's coos. Her first smile. The way her newborn hand curled around my finger. The feel of Big Daddy's strong arms hugging me. My mom's comforting voice. The first time I overcame crushing anxiety. Westport nights. Learning the Time Warp. Singing Kareoke. Making "goo" with my nephew. Seeing art at the Nelson. Hugs from Adeline. My first Mother's Day. Jacuzzi with Big Daddy. On the boat all summer. Sharing my love of water with Adeline. Writing letters to Addie every month. Learning something new about being a parent every day. Addie's giggle. Watching Big Daddy and Addie play. Advice from Grams. Tucker snuggles. Addie's first steps. Addie's hungry face. Feeling joy for a friend who is pregnant. Pride for accomplishing a goal. Support from a good friend. Laughing with Christina about being a mom. Learning the healing power of a band-aid and an ice pack. Seeing Adeline play with Connor. Couch snuggles. Foot rubs. Shopping with my Momma. Decorating for fall. Addie's photo shoots. Family over for dinner. Celebrating. Addie's party. Addie's birthday. My second anniversary. The taste of fresh made pancakes. The calm feeling Big Daddy brings. Watching Adeline learn. Addie rubbing her eyes. The way Addie sits in her chair and reads a book. Beautiful weddings. Sparkly lights. Making sugar cookies. Learning new recipes. Finding myself again. Fireworks shows. My Grams' perfume. Big Daddy's kiss. Big Daddy's eyes, and eyelashes. Addie's cheeks. Addie's first tooth. Sharing food with Addie. Letting go.

Reverb10-Dec 10

2010-12-10T06:23:00.012-06:00

December 10 –Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

The wisest decision I made this year was to keep the faith. To not give up. I have so many blessings in my life, I chose to focus on that.

Reverb10-Dec 9

2010-12-10T06:23:00.009-06:00

December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

The best party of the year? Probably Adeline's, but I have already written a huge post about that. So I guess I will talk about another party. Hmmmm. It's not really that hard to figure out because, um, let's just say I didn't really go to a lot of parties this year. I went to a few girl's night's out, several weddings, and a few birthday parties. The best birthday party was probably my brother's birthday. Way back in January, when I was 6 weeks postpartum my brother pretty much begged me to come. Just go to a bar and have some drinks with your brother, you say, right? Well, it was a theme party. You had to dress like you were straight out the 80's. I seriously didn't have anything appropriate to wear so I picked up a sweater with shoulder pads from the thrift store, I scored a sweet hair clip there too. I slathered on some blue eyeshadow, pink lipstick, threw the hair in a side pony and I was done. We left Addie with Big Daddy's parents (my first real night away!!) and we were off. I had so much fun, most everyone dressed up and the costumes were pretty entertaining. Needless to say, people stared at us. And laughed at us, and pointed. But honestly I didn't care. I was with my Hubby and family and friends, having a blast.

My brother and Big Daddy.

My Momma didn't dress up, someone lent her their duds for a photo op.

A good time was had by all. And? I got to meet Slash.

Reverb10-Dec 7

2010-12-08T06:56:00.000-06:00

December 7 – Community Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I have discovered a community in motherhood. It's everywhere. When I am at Target and Addie is whining toddler gibberish I see community in the looks from other moms who have totally been there. The non-moms totally give me the side-eye. When I am at family functions and I discuss labor pains and life with a newborn with my aunts and cousins who have been there, or are about to be, I see the community of motherhood. When I find out another friend or family member is pregnant, I think to myself, one more person to share this crazy ride with, one more person who will totally understand what I am talking about when I mention snissing. In this community of motherhood I have discovered an even closer knit group, a group of women who have battled demons and crushed them, some who may still be battling. In 2010 I found a community of moms who had PPD. I was able to read their blogs, email them and finally hear "me too". I was finally able to read their words and think, "That is exactly how I am feeling". I found wonderful blogs and wonderful resources. I found solace in this community, I found hope in this community. And then...I started getting a few emails, and a few facebook messages telling me, "Me too, thank you". It made it all worth it. I love this community I have found, my fellow warrior mommas. In 2011 I would love to more deeply connect with moms everywhere, especially those suffering or have beat PPD.

Look Whoos One!!!

2010-12-07T06:00:00.001-06:00

Oh my goodness. I started planning Adeline's party months ago. I changed themes, just once. I bought supplies ahead of time. I browsed etsy for ideas, priced out items.. I thought I might have taken on too much deciding to make all the decorations, and cupcakes, and paper items, and favors myself, but really...it wasn't too bad. Big Daddy was a huge help too, helping me cut paper and get prices. (If you want more info on how I made all the decorations, treats and special touches, click here....I wrote another blog about it)

I wanted it to be a big celebration, for her and for us. I mean, we freaking made it through Adeline's first year! We invited a ton of people, and a ton of people squeezed into our house. We tried to make it quick so people could leave if they needed to, we also had plenty of finger foods and snacks and beer in case they wanted to stay awhile.

The cake table. Or I guess, cupcake.

The very yummy cupcakes, with very yummy homemade cream cheese frosting.

And Addie's smash cake.

Can't forget the sugar cookie favors.

Time for presents! And gosh were there so many. Our friends and family are SO generous!

Cute clothes...

and lovies....

Eventually Big Daddy and I opened presents at the same time, to help get through them all.

Addie really wanted to play with her Little Tikes Car, she promptly made Gpa Jim open it right after this pic was snapped.

Then she made her way to the living room

Singing "Happy Birthday"

Digging in.

Her Grandmas watching their favorite granddaughter.

She was very generous with her cake.

A shot of her giraffe "month" pictures. I didn't do the traditional "month" banner, I put them in frames instead. I like the way it turned out.

Family watching the slideshow, plus a shot of more decorations.

We tried to get a shot of everyone there. You can't see a few faces of people by our front door. But you get the idea....we had a ton of people in our house!

It was a great day. Adeline had such a good time, it went so fast! I thought I would bawl like a baby at her party, but I didn't shed a tear. Even when I watched her slideshow! I saved all my tears for her actual birthday after Big Daddy and I tucked her in. She's growing up so fast, I can hardly believe it.

What a year!

Most photos taken by Monika Herbert of monphotography.com

Reverb10-Dec 6

2010-12-06T12:58:00.005-06:00

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

The last thing(s) I made were all the decorations for Adeline's 1st Birthday Party. Most of it was paper crafts. My favorite thing to make? Her birthday crown. I made it with felt, interfacing, thread, and hot glue. I drew out the pattern myself. And then I stitched it up and trimmed the edges and glued some bling on it. And I then I was proud of myself. The best part, totally forgot to have Adeline wear it at her party. Damn.

Soccer Player

2010-12-05T16:14:00.002-06:00

So, Adeline is active to say the least. Everyone always describes her as "busy". Lately she has been throwing a little ball back and forth with Big Daddy, and loving it. The other night, they started playing with a mini soccer ball. You guys? I think my daughter is going to be athletic, she actually kicked the ball. What's more, she LOVES playing catch and kick and her own little version of soccer. It's so freaking cute. For your enjoyment, Adeline, my little athletic girl. Check out the 30 second mark for the kick, the rest is lots of fast crawling and ball throwing and giggling.

Reverb10-Dec 5

2010-12-05T08:53:00.003-06:00

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

Yes, I let go of a friendship, and it was very hard, but so right for me at the time. Man, not quite sure if I am ready to write about it yet. So I will go all junior high on you and post song lyrics. It's therapeutic enough for me.

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

Reverb10-Dec 4

2010-12-04T11:20:00.002-06:00

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I had a baby. Seriously. Sure I could say I bought her interesting toys, showed her stimulating books, told her amazing stories to cultivate her sense of wonder. But the truth is? Babies are just born with it. And? It's the most amazing thing to witness. To a baby in their first year, everything is full of wonder. The way she would look at my face as a newborn. The way she would marvel at a red and black toy when she was first seeing the color red. The way she would stare at my face, trying so hard to copy my expression. Everything was new, everything was different to her. It just got better over the year as she grew. Staring at faces turned to staring out the windows, trying to learn her world. Adeline would spend a lot of time, standing up against the back window looking outside, full of wonder. On walks around the neighborhood, she was always trying to take it all in. In turn, I started to look at things in a new light. Suddenly I stopped and took the time to really marvel at things, especially if Adeline was with me. Seeing the world through your child's eyes really makes you wonder.

Reverb10-Dec 3

2010-12-04T10:44:00.005-06:00

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noise

s, colors)

Gosh this is hard, one moment? I can think of like 20! A moment I

felt most alive this year would probably have to be when we did our family photo shoot. It was an abnormally warm day in November, high 50s, rare for that time of year around here. We drove around a park near ourhouse, the sun was shining. It was so bright my eyes were watering. And it was warm, the kind of warm that came through the windows of the car and beat down on me, warming to me to my core. I had to roll down the window so I didn't sweat and ruin my makeup. The cool, crisp air felt so good on my skin, it smelled like fall. Like falling leaves and fires in the fireplace. Adeline was giggling in the backseat, kicking her legs and making her car seat bounce, making this little noise she makes when it's windy and she tries to almost taste the air. We pulled up to the shoot site. Big Daddy carried Adeline. I followed him, watching him, so strong, carry 20lbs of wiggly baby like it was nothing. We had to cross a little ditch to get to a field, Big Daddy held my hand and helped me cross because I had worn heels and tend to be clumsy. The earth was soft under my feet and I felt myself about to trip as my heels were stuck, Big Daddy steadied me. We walked across the field, my little family. The tall grass blew side to side, the leaves and grass crunched under our feet. The photographer laid out a soft blanket and we laid down on it. Adeline between myself and Big Daddy. The ground was firm beneath us. The sun was shining, so warm, beating down on us. The wind whipped around, creating a comforting balance. We laughed. We smiled. We didn't even look at the camera. Just at each other. Smiling, and laughing. Adeline would make a scrunchy face and we would laugh harder. We tickled Addie's cheeks with cattails, Addie grabbed bits of grass and threw them in the air. I glanced at Big Daddy, taking in his beautiful blue eyes, his strong shoulders. The whole time I kept thinking, "I am really this lucky? To have this amazing man love me so much? To have this beautiful daughter, a symbol of our love.".

It just hit me so hard, I started thinking about the past year and all the struggles we had. And then, Adeline, who isn't the most snuggly baby, leaned over and hugged my neck and kissed my cheek. I nearly burst into tears. In that moment, everything was worth it. The tears, the pain, the heartache. I felt so lucky, and loved and alive. So far from where I was earlier in the year. So far from the empty shell I was earlier in the year. So alive. And the best part? That moment was captured, not just in my head and in my heart, but on camera.

Reverb10 Dec 2nd

2010-12-04T10:41:00.002-06:00

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it

This is just pretty obvious. I work 40 hours a week and have a VERY active toddler. I neglect my writing time to you know, put food on the table and play with my daughter. Neither one of those things can be eliminated. Sure I could write when Addie has gone to bed, but, you know, I have a husband too and he likes to spend time with me. And I like to spend time with him and snuggle and give eskimo kisses.

Reverb10

2010-12-03T21:25:00.005-06:00

So I have decided to participate in Reverb10. Just for myself pretty much. To write, to get it all out. I have ideas all the time about what I want to write about and never actually do. From their website: Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. www.reverb10.com

I may not write each day, but I am going to at least try to write more often. Each day there is a prompt and I can answer with words or a picture.

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Perseverance. I was talking to my friend my friend the other day and she said,

"If you two aren't worn out after the year you have had, you are my heros. I get tired just thinking about everything".

At times, yes I was worn out. I was tired of fighting through it. I was just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I cried, a lot. But also? I prayed a lot. I relied on my faith, I kept telling myself that everything happens for a reason. I told myself that God was still there with us and He has a plan for our lives. Big Daddy and I stuck through it. We let the bad things roll off. We didn't give up. Every trial in 2010 has only made me stronger, made me fall more deeply in love with Big Daddy, made me appreciate the little things, made me count my blessings. And if 2010 taught me anything it was to persevere, there are brighter skies, you have to go through the tough times to get to some really good times.

For 2011, I want the word to be happiness. I want to look back and see how happy I was.

Fairweather I am not.

2010-12-03T06:00:00.001-06:00

I love me some football. But really just the Chiefs. I mean, I will watch other games occasionally and of course I watch the Superbowl, but my heart belongs to my hometown team. They have broken my heart on more than one occasion, and honestly the past few season they have sucked it up. I still watched though, religiously. Watching my boys on TV is great but you know what is even better? Watching them in person. Being a part of the crowd at Arrowhead is beyond words incredible Lucky for me I have had the opportunity to go to a game pretty much every season, it's always a good time. This year, Big Daddy and I went to the game on Military Appreciation Day, compliments of my wonderful Father-in-law. We had an amazing time, the game was probably one of the most nailbiting I have ever been to, it was so worth it!

The view from our seats.

Excited for the game to start.

Me with a local legend.

Big Daddy. Didn't quite turn out how we thought it would, I could have done a better job of snapping the picture when he was actually all the way behind it!

Big Daddy obviously a little miffed that I was trying to take our picture during the game. It's okay, I love him anyway.

Smash Cake Photo Shoot

2010-12-02T06:00:00.002-06:00

I am so one of those moms. You know, the mom who completely goes overboard concerning all things birthday for their first born. I don't mind the judgements that may come my way though, I mean how can I when I see these photos? Monika came over to capture my *almost* one year old smashing a cake for the first time. I love every. single. shot. However, I chose a few of my favorites for you my faithful readers to see. (Hi Uncle Gary and Erica!)

All photos taken by Monika Herbert of monphotography.com

Check out her website, she takes beautiful photos for engagements, weddings, maternity, family, pretty much everything! For a really fun game you can try to find wedding pictures of me and portraits of Addie in her galleries :)

The How Tos of the Look Whoos

2010-12-01T18:27:00.001-06:00

First things first. The paper that was my inspiration for it all. I found this pack at Hobby Lobby called "Oops a Daisy". It had the perfect combo of the colors I wanted to use, in very cute prints too! (http://shop.hobbylobby.com/products/oops-a-daisy-paper-stack-323931/)

I cut out all the circles with a circle cutter. I traced the letters using chipboard letters as stencils. I glued the layers together then tied them together with ribbon. For the owl graphics used in all the decorations I bought a set from Tracy Ann Digital designs on etsy,

(http://www.etsy.com/shop/TracyAnnDigitalArt)

For the high chair banner I cut the circles out, glued on the owls and....totally borrowed my friend's Cricut for the letters. My hands were sore from cutting out all the letters for her banner.

See the pennant banners? I had them hanging all over the house. I simply cut pennant shapes out (a TON of them) from my paper pack, punched holes and strung them with ribbon.

For the month picture displays, we found $1 frames at Wal-Mart in all black. Big Daddy spray painted them in the party colors. I added a pennant banner to the mantle and voila!

For the cupcakes I made one batch of Vanilla and one chocolate using Duncan Hines boxed mix. For the delicious cream cheese frosting I used the recipe from the Bakerella in her new Cupcake Pops cookbook. (http://www.amazon.com/Cake-Pops-Tricks-Recipes-Irresistible/dp/0811876373/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1291689393&sr=8-1 )

We sprinkled some chocolate sprinkles on top.

For the toppers I used the owl images from Tracy Ann Digital Art on etsy. I messed around on Microsoft Word for a while until I got the little circles to border just right. They said "Look Whoos One!" and "Happy Birthday Adeline". I got inspiration from etsy but didn't want to shell out $15 when I knew I could make them on my own. I printed them off, cut them out with scalloped scissors and hot glued some tooth picks on.

I like the result. Oh, see the cupcake stand? Courtesy of some cake circles, soup cans, ribbon, scrapbook paper from my Daisy pack and lots and lots of hot glue. I got the idea from a tutorial from Jill at www.babyrabies.com.

Next is the birthday crown. I got inspiration from Skip to My Lou, http://www.skiptomylou.org/2009/02/24/felt-birthday-crown/. However, my sewing machine was refusing to stitch in a circle so I drew my own pattern.

You can check out Skip to My Lou for the full tutorial.

I loved how the design was a "pop-out" design. It was a PITA to cut the top layer of felt and interfacing out without cutting the back layer of contrasting felt...but I liked the result.

I added a few flat crystal gems and BAM, birthday crown DONE. (P.S. Totally forgot to have Adeline wear it, at all during her party)

I decided to make my own favors. I love, love, loved the look and idea of themed sugar cookies. After pricing them out at bakeries I knew it was up to me. I used my standby sugar cookie and buttercream frosting recipe from The Cookie Bible (http://www.amazon.com/Cookie-Bible-Publications-International-Manufactured/dp/1412720095). I used Wilton gel food coloring to help make the frosting really pop. I made my own frosting piping bags out of super fancy ziploc bags. And then I frosted my little heart out!

Since the cookies were for the favors I had premade the favor tags. Again using the owl image from etsy and a little doodling on Word.

And then I bagged em and tagged em.

For her hair accessory I cut shapes out of felt, made a few embroidery stitches, slapped on a little hot glue and....

voila.

I hope you enjoyed reading how I did all the party things. It was a lot of work, but honestly? It was a lot of fun! I love party planning!

Adeline's One Year Slideshow

2010-12-01T14:00:00.000-06:00

One Year

2010-12-01T06:00:00.002-06:00

"Every time she blinks
she strikes somebody blind.
Everything she thinks
blows her tiny mind"

Dear Adeline,

Wow. You are officially a toddler. One year. Did it really go by this fast? Man, all those people were so right. All those people who told me to soak up this year because it goes by so fast. All those people who told me to snuggle you every chance I got. All those people who told me to let the dust settle, and the laundry lay (lie?) because cleaning could always wait. They were so right.

But one year? What an accomplishment for all of us huh Ads? WE made it! We freaking made it through such a hard year. Definitely the hardest year of my life to date. At your party last weekend? That is what I was celebrating, we made it, together. You, me and Big Daddy. We survived! It wasn't easy, I know. And part of me thinks, you, my dear, may have taken the brunt of the tough times. Just know, none of that was your fault. I used to think, having a baby is what caused all the mess in my head. But the truth is having a baby is what saved me, you saved me Adeline. You saved me. You gave me a reason, the reason to push on through. To keep fighting. To look postpartum depression in the face and say "Eff you, you are not going to win this time!". Your smile, your laugh, your chubby cheeks, they pulled me through. And they still do, every day.

It wasn't all struggle and tough times. We have had some good times, the best times of my life. Watching you grow. Watching you experience all your firsts. Watching you learn.. The look you give me when you wake up in the morning. The special smile you save just for Daddy and I. The way you have always loved laying on Daddy's chest, from day one. How when you are tired or hurt you grab a lovie, suck your thumb and head for my arms. Your squeal when you pet Tucker aka your BFF. I could very literally write a novel about all my favorite things about you. I have enjoyed it all so much Adeline. You have made me so happy, I feel so lucky to be your mom. I will try my hardest to show you, always, how happy you make me.

I love you, Happy Birthday my sweet girl!

Love,

Momma

When the Lights Go Down in the City

2010-11-30T06:00:00.000-06:00

We are trying to start a few traditions with our little family. Both Big Daddy and I grew up with many traditions, especially surrounding the holidays. It's sort of a hard thing to do, really. I really want to respect and honor my family traditions I grew up with and Big Daddy wants to honor his, and we still obviously celebrate with our respective families so finding the time to do new things can be a challenge. Luckily, our little town has a little tree lighting downtown a week before Thanksgiving and we managed to make it this year.

Mark it down, my family, will attend my little town's lighting ceremony, from here on out. It's tradition.

A few blurry pictures of the sights.

The three of us waiting for the Christmas tree lights to turn on.

Big Daddy and I.

The tree is on! Addie really would rather look at (and pull on) the tree than smile pretty for the camera.

We had a great time, and it was a great kick-off to our own little family tradition.

Addie's First Thanksgiving

2010-11-29T06:00:00.001-06:00

I had some trepidation about Thanksgiving. Mostly I was slightly worried Addie wouldn't nap well and we would be miles from home with an extremely fussy *almost* toddler. Turns out I had nothing to worry about.

We started off the day out in the country at Big Daddy's aunt's house. Addie sampled some smoked turkey, sweet potatoes, green beans and stuffing. And I am sure she got a taste of many other foods as she made her rounds while people were still eating. She played with her 3rd cousins, and 2nd cousins. She had a ball. I love watching her play with other kids.

Then it was off to my Aunt's house. Luckily it's a good 45 minute drive between the houses and Adeline took a lovely little nap. She ate more turkey, more green beans, and most importantly got to try my Grams' world famous mashed potatoes. She was a HUGE fan to say the least. After eating Adeline had a great time playing with my cousins, and her cousin and her 3rd cousin. Cousins, cousins everywhere.

My family is pretty big into family shots, we always try to get a picture of my Grams with all her grandkids and great-grandkids. We are missing a few here, but also have some pretty cute additions in the past couple years :)

We did a change into pajamas and laughed and talked more with family. Adeline had such a long busy day, but she survived, we all did.

It was a very happy and full Thanksgiving indeed.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T20:43:00.002-06:00

From my family to yours.

I hope you enjoy family and friends and food and take the time to count your blessings.

Cause that's what I'll be doing.

Walking

2010-11-22T06:00:00.001-06:00

We finally got it on video! My baby is walking. And she is turning one in less than 2 weeks. I need a sedative.

Birthdays, as a Mom

2010-11-18T06:17:00.004-06:00

Birthdays. They are a pretty big deal in my family. Growing up, my mom used to wake me up in the morning by bringing a cupcake into my room, with a candle lit on it's top, singing "Happy Birthday". As I got older the morning wake ups stopped, because, you know I was getting up earlier than her for school, but she still baked me a cake every year, like until I moved out. And it was always the same cake, funfetti with frosting and funfetti sprinkles. I love sprinkles, still, to this day. On my actual birthday we would always go out to eat, to a restaurant of my choosing. Then that weekend I would have a "friends" party and a separate family party. Sometimes my Grams would take me out shopping, or one of my aunts for a special birthday treat. Very literally, in my family, we had birthday "weeks". That's what we called them. During my birthday week I didn't have to do any chores along with all the celebration. In short (long) you could say I was spoiled a bit on my birthday growing up.

Enter when I got pregnant. You know you hear all the advice, "Sleep now, you will never sleep again!", "Enjoy this time, just the two of you!" etc. One thing I heard stuck out, "Your birthday will never be the same, it will just be another day. Your kids' birthday? That will be what you really celebrate!"

You know what? It's so true. Starting with last year, on my birthday when I was officially placed on bedrest. (Thank you high blood pressure and protein in my urine). It didn't matter to me. At all. My mom brought over some food and the three of us ate, there was no big celebration.

And this year? I barely even noticed my birthday was coming because I have been so consumed with planning Adeline's. Big Daddy and my mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I seriously had a hard time coming up with an idea. It wasn't even until this week that we nailed down what we were actually doing for my birthday. I just wasn't into it. Maybe it's because I turned 27? Or is it really that once you have a child, the "specialness" of your birthday just doesn't compare to theirs?

I don't have an answer. But I do know this. I went out to eat with my family last night. And they celebrated me. I got the sweetest cards, no really, they were so sweet. And we laughed. And I ate fried ice cream. And I got so many messages on facebook, and texts from friends and family, and phone calls, wishing me a happy day.

I realized, even though I may not feel like it, because I feel too old, or because I am a mom now. The people who love me, the people who care about me, wanted to celebrate the day of my birth. Just like I can't wait to celebrate Adeline's, every year, even if she doesn't feel like it.

Can you handle

2010-11-16T06:00:00.000-06:00

the extreme cuteness that is this face?

Neither can I?

She totally has me wrapped around her finger.

Some cheese and a little visit.

2010-11-15T06:00:00.000-06:00

I have a friend. She is pretty awesome. We bonded a long time ago, doing things that 21 year olds do in their free time. Anyway, then she had a baby. And that baby is now almost 5. And then? Then she had another baby, and this baby is two months older than Adeline! Sweet right? Instant BFF, playdate city right? Maybe someday soon(*cough, Tiffany cough*). You see my friend lives like an hour and a half away so our playdates don't happen as often as we would like. This last one though? Was SO much fun.

Adeline and Connor were all over the place. Climbing up and over and under furniture, making a mockery of our baby proofing. They were so conspiring with one another. I loved seeing Addie play with a baby her age. They played with stacking balls and looked at books and laughed, and in some weird way I think communicated with each other. They sort of wrestled and roughhoused too, Addie is way tougher than I thought.

Addie's big development of the night? She has started the most cheese-tastic grin when you hold the camera up in front of her. Seriously, such a hard core scrunchy face her eyes close! It's so freaking cute.

See?

I kept taking her picture over and over and we all laughed so hard.

I figured I would get a shot of Addie and her BFF.

Note the feet to her butt, she totally got him back.

It was a fun night and Big Daddy and I can't wait for Tiffany and her clan to move a little more south. Like 75 ish miles would be great.

Halloween

2010-11-09T19:00:00.000-06:00

Hey. Yeah I have been such a crappy blogger lately. Sorry. I am six weeks in to this whole Working Momma gig and I am still getting used to it. A quick review of other mommy blogs gives me the idea that it's a constant battle but, I digress. When I get home? I want to spend time with Big Daddy and Adeline...not my computer. Today though? Adeline is taking a super long nap and it's the weekend. That's right, I am writing this on Saturday.

Would you like to know how Halloween went at our house? It was marvelous-ish.

The day before we carved pumpkins. Meaning Big Daddy carved while I wrangled our toddler-baby and tried to keep her from launching herself off the deck. Oh and not let her touch sharp things.

This look? Is the look I got when I wouldn't let her launch off the deck. She is developing quite the 'tude these days. She totally gets it from Big Daddy.

Ahem. Moving on.

I was surprised how into it she really was. She really really wanted to help. See?

She dug right in, literally. No weird faces, no tears, just pure curiousity and reckless abandon. And then tasting of the pumpkin innards and seeds, naturally.

The tears did come though, when I tried to get a shot of Addie with the pumpkins. "No Mom, please, not the pumpkins!"

This scene is happening more and more these days. Dare I call them....tantrums? Our Parent Educator from Parents as Teachers witnessed one the other day, laughed and suggested we by the book "Parenting the Strong Willed Child".

Great. Lord help us through toddlerhood.

(Mom and other family members, it's okay to laugh, but please not a vengeful one. I know I was a handful. stubborn as they get, but please, let's not think of this as some kind of wicked karma, mmmkay?)

Anyway, the next day was Halloween. Big Daddy and I went to the Chiefs game during the day. Addie went with my Mom to a family party and had a blast with her cousins, and she was showered with tons of Halloween treats and gifts. .

At our first stop. Totally okay with the costume, thanks to weeks of desensitization trials. I totally kept her costume out in the living room and tried it on her once a day so she could get used to it.

With my brother and her cousin.

We made a total of four stops, all to family. Luckily a lot of our family lives in the same city as us. This is Addie at our last stop. Still going strong, but looking so sleepy!

Overall it was a great weekend. She was, of course, the cutest little chick I have ever seen. She did so good, even with missing a nap. We definitely learned what works and doesn't work.

Next year we won't be stopping at people's houses, it was fun to see people's reactions to her in costume but Addie wasn't a big fan of the shuffle. If anyone wants to see Addie on Halloween they are more than welcome to come trick or treating with us :)

It's almost been a year

2010-11-08T05:00:00.000-06:00

A year since I had a baby. A year since my world was sent spinning. A year since I was diagnosed, labeled with postpartum depression and anxiety. A year since I thought I made the hugest mistake of my life. A year since I thought I would never find myself again. A year that changed me. I have no idea where I thought I would be at this point. I find myself lately looking at the upcoming season with some trepidation. Like, as if somehow experiencing the same holiday will bring those emotions of last year to the surface. I was diagnosed two days before Christmas, the other day I heard a Christmas song and I had a flashback. It was awful, the guilt rose up in my throat, a palpable reaction to my grief. That's something I am dealing with now. Grief. Sadness over the whole unfair-ness of it all. I get to a point where I think I am over it, like yes, I had PPD/PPA and I kicked it's ass and that's it. But every once in a while, especially lately as I come upon the "anniversary" of my diagnosis, I am sad and angry. Pissed at PPD. I find myself reliving some of those moments, talking it over with Big Daddy. Partly because it's therapeutic for me, to talk it out, mostly because the details are so fuzzy for me. There are things I don't remember saying, don't remember doing. The more I think about it, the more upset I get. So I stop myself.

STOP.

STOP!

I cannot be afraid. If I am afraid of what feelings the holidays will bring, or how the snow may make me feel trapped, or the early sunset will affect me, then PPD wins. And I will be damned to come this far and let that demon win. I have kicked it's ass to the curb and that is where it needs to stay. I guess I didn't realize I would have to keep my fighting spirit going for this long. But that's part of being a survivor, part of being a Warrior Mom. Having some anxiety about reliving the same season, the season that was pure hell last year, I think it's a normal reaction. I do need to be careful to avoid a relapse, and I have plans in place. Taking Vitamin D supplements, getting a special lamp, going back to therapy if need be etc. Also? I have to keep fighting. Keep telling my story. Keep reading other mom's stories, keep reaching out.

It will not win. It no longer has power over me.

Pssst, I have a secret

2010-11-04T16:46:00.000-05:00

A secret-ish blog at least. I have been doing Weight Watchers for 8 weeks. I didn't want to clog this blog up with weight loss struggles and complaints so I made a new one when I started.

Care to follow? I could use the support! Plus you can see potentially embarrassing photos of me, that's right I do progress pictures.

http://mylittlesecretkt.blogspot.com/

Decisions, Decisions

2010-11-02T22:48:00.003-05:00

It's time already, time for me to start making some important decisions. About what you may ask? About what to do for our Christmas cards this year. Two years ago Big Daddy and I sent out photo cards with a picture of the two of us and Tucker. It was just so so. I wasn't really in love with a lot of the designs I had to choose from on a lesser known photo card site I chose. Last year? I went the easy way out and made a card with an adorable newborn shot of Addie, in a santa hat. Those newborn photographers really know what they are doing. I assumed our family and friends would be content with a shot of the new baby and frankly I wasn't looking family photo ready at the time.

I mean really right? So cute! It said something to the sort of Our Christmas Present.

This year? The pressure is on. Do I get a family photo taken of all three of us? Do we include the dog? Where, When, why How? And once I nail the picture down where the heck to get the card from, and on photo paper? Or cardstock? And who has the best deal?

Enter Shutterfly. Have you seen the cards they have this year?

http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards

Adorable right? I love that it is a folded card and you have the option to write a little note inside. But I don't think anyone wants a shot of Big Daddy and I kissing.

http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards

I really like this one, simple, elegant, classic. I love the pointsettas, it says Christmas without being like Santa/presents/IT'S CHRISTMAS!

http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards

I like this one too, the idea of writing a letter to update family is sweet. And I like the sort of modern look.

http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars/wall-calendars

Shutterfly also has customizable calenders, I can think of a few people who would love a calendar with photos of Adeline plastered all over...including me!

I haven't been able to make a decision, hopefully I will soon, can't wait to order my holiday cards with Shutterfly this year and maybe a calendar and maybe some return address labels too.

Oh the decisions!

Check it all out for yourself!

Christmas cards :http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards

Address Labels: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/address-labels

Calendars: http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars/wall-calendars

I have talented friends

2010-11-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

I have always known my friends are talented. Each in their own little way. My friend Christina is good at taking pictures, like really good. She had a fussy and hungry Adeline as her subject and she got some really good shots. Like, really good. Like already framed all over my house and office good. Here are a few of my favorites, be sure to check out her blog, and facebook page, and if you are in the area? Hit her up for her packages, she would love to capture memories for you!

Really excited about the pumpkin.

I love that little grump face.

Beautiful.

Look at those little curled toes!

She was a fan of the daisies, especially eating them.

I hope you enjoyed my favorite shots, Christina has some more on her blog, check em out!

11 Month Letter

2010-11-01T18:47:00.003-05:00

As long as I'm living my baby you'll be

Dear Adeline,

With each passing month I am in disbelief that you are, in fact, getting older. This month though? This month is really hard to believe. After this month, you will be a year old. We will probably no longer celebrate each month as a passing milestone. You will be a one year old. But like the book says, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be. Sometimes, especially lately, when you do something so grown up I get this little glimpse of you in a few years. How you will look with long bouncy pigtails smiling back at me as you run through the yard or how you will look sitting atop Big Daddy's shoulders as we walk through downtown. I get excited to watch you grow, but also remind myself to soak up these times, when I can still call you my baby. The right now. To remember your little quirks, what makes you, you. Like how smart you are, signing "more" for the first time a couple weeks ago. And how close you are to just taking off and walking. Just last night you took what we are calling your first official step. Sure it was just one and really may have been more of a lean and fall into my arms, but a step it was. You are growing more and more independent by the day, insisting on feeding yourself EVERYTHING with minimal assistance, including half of my banana the other day. Along with the independence, you have brought some drama. The super sad pouty bottom lip has made an official return, which you bust out at the most opportune times i.e. when you don't get your way. You have started dancing which is just about the cutest thing ever, whenever you hear music of any kind you start bouncing or moving side to side. You also have started to actually like snuggling a little bit again, which is odd for you, you aren't the most sit still kind of girl. But lately you have been cruising to Daddy and reaching your arms up to snuggle on the couch, or crawling to me and getting in my lap with a lovey and just sitting there. I am soaking up these times, I wrap my arms around you and rock, and breathe in your sweet smell, enjoying the moment. Just me and you, my baby. Happy 11 Months my sweet girl, still can't believe you are almost 1!

Love,

Momma

Happy Halloween

2010-10-31T07:00:00.000-05:00

Hope you have a safe and happy holiday. We are going to be taking Addie around the town to show off her costume. Then coming home, shutting off all the lights and hoping the kids don't ring the doorbell and wake up Adeline :)

Love is in the Air

2010-10-29T16:35:00.004-05:00

Last weekend we went to a very heartfelt, beautiful wedding. I love weddings. I have always loved weddings. I enjoy going to them much more now that I am married myself. It's like a little unofficial renewal of my own vows, sitting there watching and listening to the new couple promising their lives to each other. Sometimes I cry at weddings. This wedding? I bawled, like ugly tears, mascara ALL over my face. And not even at the actual wedding, the wedding itself was beautiful but the reception...the reception got me good. More on that later, for now, how about some pictures of my little family at a family wedding?

My Grams and I. Isn't she beautiful?

Waiting our turn for dinner.

Enjoying some goldfish with Big Daddy.

My little family.

Big Daddy and Addie dancing the night away.

Recharge, Reconnect

2010-10-29T15:13:00.003-05:00

Last year for our anniversary I was 34 weeks pregnant. And having some major tummy pains, what my doctor's thought was my kidney was probably actually my gallbladder sending me some warning signals. Anyway, we stayed home. We cooked dinner together, ate by candlelight, toasted with some champagne and celebrated an exciting first year.

This year, I told Big Daddy ahead of time that I knew we didn't have the moolah for a weekend away, but a night away. Could we please just get a night away together? He crunched some numbers and planned the whole night. I secured to sitter (thanks Mom!) and off we went.

For an afternoon and night and morning alone, sans Adeline. And you know what? We so freaking needed that. It's so easy to get caught up in parenting and all things Adeline and, you know the "business" of a marriage. Can you do this load of laundry for me I have a meeting after work, and remind me to call the trash company about out stupid dumpster and do you want me to pick up the card for your mom, don't forget about that thing we have this weekend. Throw a baby in the mix and it gets harder. I am not trying to whine here people, I realized marriage was going to be hard work coming into it, and I also realized that bringing a child into the world would be work and add work to my marriage. But sometimes? You just need to get away to remember what made you fall for that person in the first place.

We went to a local hotel, they have themed rooms which I thought was going to be kind of kitschy, but actually was really fun.

The hotel and entrance.

Us, after dinner. Dinner where we held hands across the table and tasted each other's food and laughed.

When we got back to our hotel room we had chilled champagne waiting. We had champagne at our first anniversary...why not keep the tradition going? We toasted to us, to clocking in another year, to surviving, to being there for each other. We woke up the next morning to breakfast in bed. Which was delicious.

It was just what we needed. Who knew in 24 hours or less you can recharge and reconnect your marriage? We checked out and hurried back to Adeline, only to come home to her happily napping. We anxiously awaited for her to wake up, literally racing each other to her room when she woke up.

Just what we needed.

730 Days Ago

2010-10-16T07:36:00.003-05:00

We had planned the day for 11 months. It was perfect. Did everything go as planned?

Absolutely not. The flowers were the wrong color. Our priest forgot to say the blessing we had requested, the blessing Big Daddy used when he proposed to me. The lights were on at the reception site, the big glaring flourescent lights (you can ask my Maid of Honor, I almost had a meltdown). Our DJ wasn't the DJ we had met and handpicked, he didn't know about our schedule and the surprise dance we had planned to do with our moms.

But? It was perfect. And in all reality it set the scene pretty well for us. No matter how much you plan, things don't always go your way. Neither of us could have known what faced us in the next two years. Neither one of us knew just how much our vows would be tested.

And for that I am not quite sure I can ever express my gratitude to Justin. He has been there with his calm demeanor always telling me "We are going to be just fine, we always are". He was there when I showed him the positive pregnancy test. He was there for my cravings. He was there for daily foot rubs. He was there to listen to me complain about my aching hips. He was there when I said time and time again that I couldn't handle delivering a baby. He was there to tell me that I gave it a good try but a C-section was best for Adeline. He was there wiping vomit off my face and putting the oxygen mask back on all while juggling a fresh out of the oven baby. He was there to help me get out of bed for a couple weeks when I couldn't do it by myself. He was there when breastfeeding wasn't working out. He was there at 2, 4, and 5 in the morning helping me shush/swaddle/swing etc. Adeline. He was there to wipe my tears and tell me I was doing a good job. He was there to notice I was not okay. He was there when I very literally went crazy. He was there to call my doctor for me when I couldn't. He was there to make sure I took my medicine, and ate three meals a day. He was there with Adeline every night while I was in a much needed drug induced sleep. He was there when I lost my job. He was there to discuss my therapy appointments. He was there, showing me how to bond with my daughter. He was there making me laugh. He was there holding my hand. He was there, working hard every day. He was there. He didn't leave. He held us together.

Happy Anniversary Babe, thank you a million times over for being you. For taking your vows seriously. For loving Adeline and I like you do.

I love you.

Deanna Rose

2010-10-11T06:00:00.001-05:00

There's this really awesome place, it's a farm complete with petting zoo and replica buildings of an old small town. There is so much to do there. This time of year they have a Pumpkin Patch going on in addition to all the other activities. We spent 3 hours walking around, looking at animals and roaming a pumpkin patch. Adeline had a great time, but Big Daddy and I agree that she will really like something like this when she gets a little older. And of course, we can't wait to take her back!

Checking out the roosters and chickens.

Loving the cowbells!

Addie and a fake cow, that you can pretend milk. She was unimpressed.

They had little spots like this set up everywhere, perfect for some photo-ops.

Looking at a bobcat, I think. Maybe the peacock? I can't really tell.

Some great fun in the dried corn kernel bin. AKA, she was only in here long enough for a picture because she wouldn't stop trying to eat the corn.

Thinking really hard about what pumpkins she wants.

Here she is with Big Daddy, feeding some animals, hanging out in a teepee, going down a REALLY fast slide, and checking out some turkeys.

25 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman Suffering from Postpartum Depression

2010-10-09T13:38:00.003-05:00

I have mentioned a few times about a blog I follow, very regularly. Postpartum Progress (www.postpartumprogress.com), written by Katherine Stone. She is an amazing woman, a Warrior Momma who overcame her own Postpartum OCD. Her blog is the most widely read blog on Postpartum and Antenatal mood disorders. She has been gracious enough to even post some of my blogs on my own journey with PPD on her blog. This time, I am taking some of her words and posting them here. It's a list she compiled with the help of her readers and twitter followers of the Top 25 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman Suffering from PPD/PPA. I read the list and I am pretty sure I heard about 22 of them from friends and family. Am I posting this to be like "Hey, idiot, don't speak!". No. I am posting this as a bit of education, to help get the word out. To maybe shed some light on what myself and other women have heard at their darkest times, what we heard that absolutely did not help the situation at all.

1. Just [go for a walk/go out with your friends/have a drink/take a vitamin/go shopping/go back on the pill] and you'll feel all better.
2. Women have been having babies for tens of thousands of years, and they got through new motherhood just fine. Toughen up.
3. Yeah, I had a few bad days there after my baby was born. I know what you're going through. Or ... I just finished my [album/thesis/marathon/political campaign]. I know how you feel.
4. Maybe postpartum depression is God's way of letting you know you don't have enough faith. I think you should pray harder.
5. Stop making this about you. This is about the baby. You should be thinking about him/her rather than yourself.
6. Quitting breastfeeding is selfish. The baby's health is so much more important than yours.
7. I know breastfeeding is really important to you, but you have to quit so you can be treated for PPD.
8. This is the exact medication and dosage I took for my PPD. Just take that and you'll be OK.
9. I would never take antidepressants. You shouldn't need that stuff to be a mother.
10. You're just mad the baby is getting all the attention.
11. PPD is just a fad. Only spoiled, Western women get it, and now that it's "popular" on the blogs, everyone is jumping on the bandwagon.
12. Can't you see how lucky you are? You have a beautiful baby! You should be grateful.
13. This will probably go away on it's own, so don't worry about it.
14. I wouldn't talk about this with anyone. You don't want them to think you're crazy.
15. You don't need to worry about your symptoms unless you're having thoughts of harming your baby.
16. You're just using postpartum depression as an excuse to get out of the hard work of being a mom.
17. Once you go back to work you'll probably feel fine.
18. Why can't you just talk yourself out of this? I don't think you're trying hard enough.
19. Do we need to take your child away from you?
20. If you would just try ______— (fill in the blank) parenting style I think everything would be okay.
21. You have [a supportive partner/wonderful home/great family/good job/food on the table/healthy baby]. You should be happy.
22. All of this crying is bad for your baby, you know.
23. We all have days where we don't want to get out of bed.
24. Did you think motherhood was going to be easy? What did you expect?
25. Postpartum depression isn't real.

(taken from www.postpartumprogress.com, Katherine Stone, author)

If you have said one or more of these things to someone suffering with PPD, don't beat yourself up. You were probably just trying to help, maybe a little uneducated about PPD. Maybe now you have a better idea of what not to say. Do what do we want to hear? What did I want to hear?

1. How can I help?

2. Do you want to talk about it?

3. I don't really understand PPD and PPA, can you tell me about it?

4. This wasn't your fault.

5. You are not a bad mother.

6. You WILL get through this.

7. I am here for you.

8. You are not crazy.

9. I know you are trying.

10. Let me know when you are ready, and I will be here.

Thankfully, I did hear all of those things. And they helped tremendously. Offer your support and love and positive thoughts, they go a long way when someone is suffering. Negativity, misunderstanding and harsh words are not wanted, not needed, and end up doing more harm.

For more info and resources on Postpartum and Antenatal Mood Disorders, please visit Katherine's blog, www.postpartumprogress.com.

Thankful on a Thursday

2010-10-07T17:54:00.002-05:00

I am thankful for my job. I really feel like this is exactly where I am supposed to be.

I am thankful for the squeals of delight I hear when I come home.

I am thankful for the people that love Adeline *almost* as much as I do.

I am thankful for a beautiful friend who takes beautiful photos of Adeline.

I am thankful for bathtime and the laughter and splashes it brings.

I am thankful for a Husband that planned a night away for our upcoming anniversary.

I am thankful for my newfound willpower.

What are you thankful for?

What I've Learned as a Working Mom

2010-10-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

Two weeks down. Who knows how many more to go. When I was pregnant, it was never really in our plan for me to stay at home. Not until at least after the second baby, and even then I was probably still going to work at least one 12 a week. But you know, if Big Daddy and I have learned anything in the last year it's to lighten up on the whole planning gig. I ended up staying home for 9.5 months. Did I love it? Yes. Was it easy? No. Do I miss it already? Yes, and no. GASP! I know I may get flack for this, and I know I may be kicking myself later on in the game when I am so tired of working and long for days spent in jammies with my baby. But working? I kinda like it. I am using my brain, and I am interacting with other adults and using my degree. Yeah, the one I am still paying on monthly. I do miss Adeline, don't get me wrong. I miss her like crazy. I sometimes worry about what I am missing, what smiles and laughs and funny little quirks. But I can't let myself go there, you just can't as a working mom. If you let yourself go there then the guilt comes creeping in. I know this is what's best for Adeline right now, what's best for our family. To build up more savings, to maybe actually be able to take a family vacation next summer. To not live so strapped. And the best part, what keeps me going when I am missing her at work? I still get to see her every day. I kiss her goodbye every morning. I am home by 4:30 every afternoon, we play and eat dinner together. I am there for bath time and reading books before bed. And what really keeps me going? The security of knowing I have weekends off, and EVERY holiday, and random snow days and most importantly 9 weeks in the summer. It's the best of both worlds for us right now.

Sure, some may say I am doing my child a disservice by working. And in their opinion, I may be. But I have learned many a lesson in these last 10 months. One of the most important is that as a mom, and as a wife you truly have to do what is best for your family. If it's what is best for you, then it's what is best for you. End of story.

No really, end of story.

The Wall That Heals

2010-10-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

I grew up mildly patriotic. My Grandpa was in WWII, I had other distant random family members who were in the military. I was raised to put my hand over my heart when singing the National Anthem, and to respect the flag and what it stands for. And of course after 9/11 I had a lot more pride in my country. But nothing has made me more proud of where I am from, more grateful for my freedom than personally knowing a veteran of foreign war. Whether you believe in war or not, veterans were simply doing their job. I could write an entire other entry about that, and I may just save it for Veteran's Day itself. My father-in-law is a proud Veteran of Vietnam. He is also heavily involved in his local VFW. So when we heard he was going to have the honor of laying a wreath at a very important Vietnam Memorial we knew we had to be there. Even though Adeline won't remember, Big Daddy and I want to instill a respect for country and especially for the veterans that fight to protect her. The Wall That Heals is a traveling replica of the Vietnam Memorial in D.C. It was neat to see, and touching, and mind blowing and awe-inspiring and sad all at the same time.

The biggest flag I have ever seen, I wish I could have captured it's hugeness.

Adeline about to see the Wall.

All those names. All those names were people just like us.

My father-in-law and his favorite person.

Big Daddy and his Daddy.

Laying the wreath.

Go Chiefs!

2010-10-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

I was brought up to be a football fan. Not baseball, not hockey, not soccer. I had family members who had Season Tickets and I was always lucky enough to get to go to at least one game a year. If I wasn't cheering on my favorite team in person, you can bet I was at a family football party, or sometimes at home. We watched EVERY game. We cheered, we high-fived, we literally screamed together at the TV. So naturally, this is just another tradition I couldn't wait to share with Adeline. Luckily Big Daddy is almost as big of a Chiefs fan as I am. Don't hate on the Chiefs. I am no fair weather fan and I have loved my boys all along. Yes, the whole time. I won't mention how less than stellar the past few seasons have been. But this year? This year is going to be different, I can feel it. I am so excited for this season, and so excited to share it with Adeline and family. Last weekend my cousin and his wife had us over for the game. There was yelling and high fives and lots of shouting "TOUCHDOWN" and trying to teach Addie to throw her arms up. In other words, a perfect football game.

Adeline getting pumped, and playing with her baby cousin's toys. Her baby cousin expected sometime this winter. I am sure she won't mind.

Addie and Big Daddy after a TOUCHDOWN!!!

Addie and her Godfather, getting some snacks.

My Grams and Adeline.

10 Month Letter

2010-10-02T12:32:00.001-05:00

Dear Adeline,

10 months? Two months until you are 1? What? When did this happen? As much as I want you to stay my little baby forever, it's painfully obvious that you, my dear, have other plans. You are getting SO big! Seriously, you are in 12-18 month clothes and off the charts in length. You are still in constant motion, exploring your world, figuring things out. Your little brain must be running a million miles a minute. I love when you find something new and interesting, you focus in and study it so intently, coincidentally you look most like your Daddy when you do this. It's so neat to literally watch you learn.

You aren't quite walking yet like so many had predicted but you do love to walk behind your lion push toy, back and forth across the living room. You finally got one of your top teeth and others are close behind. You are developing an even bigger sense of humor. You love to act like you are going to share a goldfish or cheerio and quickly snap it back and laugh. We will work on this my dear, eventually, sharing is caring. Your new favorite game is chase, you love for Daddy and I to say "I'm gonna get you", then you take off and laugh the whole time, especially when we "catch" you. Your stubborn side has also emerged more (you get this from your Daddy), for weeks you had been throwing absolute melt down fits whenever you were placed in a shopping cart, pretty much forcing us to either pick you up or cause a scene. Believe me, if we would have let you you probably would have cried the whole time at the store. Anyway, this weekend we figured out a plan to keep you happy. Cheerios in a snack pack, turns out you are easier to please than we thought.

We have been having a great time lately doing family things, long gone are the days of you snoozing in your stroller. You are awake and alert and taking it all in. Whether it's at an air show, a petting zoo or the grocery store. Speaking of family time, yes Addie, there has been less of it, sort of. Mommy went back to work this month. And although I miss you each day, you are doing fabulously. So resilient. So beautiful. So mine.

Happy 10 months Sweet Adeline.

Love,

Momma

Air Show

2010-10-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

You know what I love? Fun things to do with my family. You know what I love more? When they are FREE!

A (sort of) local air force base had an air show a couple weeks ago. (Yes, it's taken me awhile to get around to posting this...please understand). Anyway we loaded up with the inlaws and off we went. Can you tell how excited Adeline was to be riding in the backseat with Big Daddy and I? So excited in fact that she didn't want to nap. Which threw a wrench in my whole "she will totally nap on the way and not be a fussy butt while at the air show".

Anyway, Adeline enjoying the ride.

You can't park on base so we got to ride a school bus to get on base. Adeline's 1st time! She didn't really even know what was going on. Much more concerned with my water bottle.

She loved looking at all the planes and didn't even mind the bomb simulations.

She gave up the fussing and eventually gave in to snoozing. Thank God!

P.S. LOVE our Ergo!

Adeline even got to see Uncle Jared! The girl loves her uncles.

It was a perfect family day. We walked miles and miles, enjoyed a bit of history and all in all had a great time! Can't wait to go back next year.

Thankful on a Thursday

2010-09-30T21:53:00.003-05:00

grat·i·tude (grt-td, -tyd)

The state of being grateful; thankfulness.

1. I am full-time employed.

2. So far, I LOVE my job.

3. Watching Adeline take steps with her push toy.

4. Playing hide and seek.

5. Belly laughs.

6. Hot tubs.

7. Crisp mornings.

8. 10 months of health.

9. The healing power of a Band-Aid.

10. Using my skills.

It got a little messy.

2010-09-27T19:49:00.001-05:00

Adeline had her first encounter with spaghetti.

And it was good.

That is all.

We did it, we survived etc.

2010-09-17T20:38:00.004-05:00

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”–Eleanor Roosevelt

So you know, I lost my job back in March. Really shitty circumstances. In essence?

My doctor extended my maternity leave because I, in her opinion, needed a few more weeks to continue healing and therapy. I let my boss know and I got an email the next day. A three sentence email letting me know that my job was no longer protected my FMLA and my position had been filled. Yeah, that'll help her get better quick!

I thought, "well that blows but I will find another job!". Enter months and months of searching. 50 applications. Yes, I have turned in 50 applications. I have had only 5 interviews.

You can draw your own conclusions.

Big Daddy and I have our ideas as to why this happened. Maybe a little divine intervention to ensure Adeline and I would have some really good bonding to make up for our less than stellar first few months? Who knows.

Anyway, all of that to say this. I HAVE A JOB!!!! Like a legit get paid for, use my nursing skills type of job. And? It's as a school nurse! GAH!!!!

It's not full time, but for now? It's perfect for us.

Today was Adeline's first official full day at daycare. Was I nervous? Um heck yeah. I didn't really have reason to be. We are using an in home provider who is a long time family friend of Big Daddy's. She lives a mile from our house. I completely trust her. I knew she would be fed and cared for. So what was I worried about? Adeline. What if she missed me? What if she was playing and turned to flash me that chubby cheeked grin and I wasn't there? Would she be sad? What if she was upset and wanted me? What if she didn't nap? What if she refused to eat in her sadness? What if she developed a life long disdain for her working mother?

And then I thought about the drop off and I could barely stand it. I slept like crap last night. I was a bundle of nerves.... about daycare and working outside of my home for the first time since November 2009.

I had no idea what time I needed to get up to get myself and a 9 month old out of the house and on the road during rush hour. I had no frame of reference. The morning went much better than expected. I had to wake Adeline up, but it was sort of sweet. She was drowsy and super snuggly and smiley. We got to daycare and I set her down to play. I yammered on about some random quirks of Adeline's, just to make sure the provider knew. Because, ohmigawd, what if Adeline cried and then winked one eye sort of and then squawked, would she know what to do? (Yes, yes she would, she has raised three kids by golly!). All the while I am stammering, delaying the inevitable goodbye. At this point I am sure I look like a goof, typical first-time-control-freak-Momma. I scooped Addie up, gave her a quick kiss and then I was off.

I almost lost my shit walking to my car. Almost. But I locked it up. If I would have let myself go there I could have very well cried the whole way to my new job. And then my mascara would have been all over my face. And my eyes would have been super puffy. And that isn't quite the first impression I wanted to make.

And you know what? We survived. Adeline napped fine and ate well and played. No crying, at all. And I held my own against whatever random things showed up in my clinic. It felt so good to use my nursing skills again.

P.S. School nursing is much more than bandaids and ice packs.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Thankful on a Thursday

2010-09-16T11:41:00.004-05:00

Time to reflect on what I am thankful for this week...

Plus a picture of Adeline, because, come on.

1. The calm, "don't worry about a thing" attitude my hubby possesses.

2. Open mouth kisses.

3. Nail-biting football games.

4. Support from so many people on my weight loss journey.

5. Warm soup on a cool, rainy day.

6. Adeline's health.

7. Fall.

8. My mom.

9. Time at home with my baby.

10. sugar free kool aid.

Where were you when the world stopped turning?

2010-09-11T08:01:00.002-05:00

Sep 11th 2001-

I was a senior in high school, strolling into my World Religions class, 2nd hour. My teacher had the TV on and it said "WTC hit by plane". I had no idea what WTC stood for. I started to get my homework out and get ready for class. I remember seeing my teacher holding her hand over her mouth looking REALLY concerned. I decided to maybe pay attention to what was going on. The other students filed in and we all sort of sat there silent as the reporters started to speculate that is wasn't a single engine plane but a 757, and maybe this was an act of terrorism. It was eery, no one spoke, except my teacher she said, "We are going to watch this for a bit, this is history."

Then we watched, live, as the second plane flew into the other tower. I literally saw, live, people jumping out of the building. We were still silent. No one knew what to say. I suddenly had the strong desire to call my Mom. We watched TV the rest of 2nd hour. During passing time, some people were crying, most were silent or speculating with their friends. We watched TV the rest of the day. Until sometime after lunch our principal came over the intercom and said "We would like the TVs to be off the remainder of the day, this is a very scary situation, and we have had parents request that we no longer let their children watch this".

I rode home from school with friends while we discussed what in the world was going on. As soon as I got home I called my mom, who was already on her way home. Her boss closed the office early so that everyone could get home to their families. She came in the door an hugged me for what seemed like forever. We cried, we were glued to the TV, trying to figure out what exactly had happened. I had to work that night at a local pizza place and my mom said I should go ahead and go.

I had to fight a very long line to get to work, the pizza place was in the same lot as a gas station and there were lines a mile long to get to the Circle K. I got in and talked with my coworkers about how weird and eery this was. It was a Tuesday which meant Family Night aka kids eat free. I expected for us to not be busy at all, I figured people would stay home with their families. Not so. I guess people wanted to cling to some sort of normalcy. I manned the register and bussed tables and picked cheese off of the carpet. I was out in the dining room when I heard President Bush. Somebody in the back has turned up the radio. Immediately the dining room fell silent, parents were shushing their kids so we could all hear. I don't really remember what President Bush said, but I remember the moment was so surreal. I couldn't believe what had happened that day. My heart broke for the families of those who died, for those who were trapped in the building, for the firefighters and police. The images I had seen that day were raw and real and haunting.

And then, suddenly everyone was a bit more patriotic. Flags were flying everywhere, on houses, on buildings, on cars. People were a bit kinder, in general. That day had changed us.

Looking back, my heart still breaks. But now that I have Adeline, it breaks a little more. I can't imagine what my mom must have felt, not knowing what was going on, not knowing where I was. I thought her 10 min hug was a little much, but now? I get it.

On this 9 year anniversary, let this tragic event remind us what is important in life.

And remind us that sometimes 10 minute hugs are just what we need.

Kettle Corn and Funnel Cakes

2010-09-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

Where we live, there are festivals and carnivals and other fun things going on pretty much all of Fall. Over the weekend we headed out to a nearby town for their annual Labor Day celebration of food, fun and crafts. There was funnel cake and kettle corn, fried pickles and homemade root beer. Also there was an Elvis impersonator, pregnant chicks smoking and more femullets than I could count. The other plus of this festival...the people watching. Big Daddy loaded Addie up in the carrier, because this is not the place to bring a stroller, much too crowded.

The weather was beautiful, the company was even better. We trekked through the craft tents, watched a little bit of the Elvis show and even shared a funnel cake. It was a wonderful day, complete with Adeline crashing out in the carrier. Can't wait for more of the fall activities.

Girl's Lunch

2010-09-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend it was time to celebrate my Momma's birthday. I wish I could show you pictures from when we went out last week for her birthday (yes, we celebrate multiple times for a birthday). But, I can't. We went to Olive Garden and had an hour wait and Adeline had an EPIC meltdown. I am talking screaming at the top of her lungs, throwing her head back, EVERY person in the restaurant staring at us kind of meltdown. In her defense, the restaurant was very warm, and she had a short afternoon nap. Anyway, no pictures from that night. But don't be upset!

I have pictures from our weekend celebration!

We started off the morning with pedicures and then headed to lunch at Spin Pizza. Yum!

My Momma and Adeline at lunch.

My Momma and Grams at lunch.

Then we went shopping at this new store that sells accessories galore. For serious, bracelets and rings and purses and hats and headbands all arranged by color. Adeline had fun trying on hats, as you can tell!

It was a beautiful day to celebrate my Momma!

Just because

2010-09-07T07:00:00.001-05:00

It's been awhile since I have posted a video of my sweet little girl

So, for your enjoyment, please watch this little clip of Adeline enjoying

her very own backyard swing.

Love that little laugh.

Window Treatments

2010-09-06T21:58:00.004-05:00

I hear people talk about what curtains and shades and blinds they want for their house. I have never really been into window treatments much. In fact every single window in my house still has the original blinds on it, except of course Adeline's room, duh. I do eventually want to put up some curtains, maybe some roman shades, but maybe not because they have all those recalls.

Anyway I have done some remodeling of our window treatments. It was pull the blinds up or have Adeline destroy them/get tied up in the cords. I of course chose to pull them up.

So if you stop by? This is what you will see.

It's not fancy.

But it sure does give Adeline the chance to explore her world even more.

She crawls and cruises from window to window, front door to back door.

What's better than the blinds being pulled up?

The screen being out for complete and full monitoring of the backyard of course!

It's for the best

2010-09-03T07:00:00.002-05:00

This (up there) is Duke.

He is/was our second dog. We got him a month before I found out I was pregnant. Partly so our first dog Tucker could have a buddy, but mostly to help Big Daddy out. He had recently lost his childhood family dog and needed a little puppy pick me up. Duke was a much different puppy than Tucker, from the very beginning. He liked to, um, show his dominance....to everyone and everything. He wasn't nearly as trainable as Tucker. Tuck picked up "sit" and "come" and "down" pretty quickly. And even now can "whisper" and "speak" and "high five" and "shake" on command. Duke on the other hand, not so much. Here is where I take some responsibility. I wasn't the best trainer. I was hit hard my first trimester exhaustion and I spent my free time sleeping, not training a dog. Fast forward to my 9th month of pregnancy...Big Daddy and I were doing all that we could to familiarize the dogs with Adeline's things, to prepare them for the baby that was on the way. They did great. We brought her home and they all three adjusted well.

And then, then they just didn't. Tucker was fine, Duke started showing some signs that he was less than happy about the new family member. He started peeing in his kennel, and peeing around the house, and tearing up Adeline's toys. We corrected his behavior and chalked it up to some adjustment issues. Then one day a couple months ago Tucker and Duke were napping in the living room right next to Adeline's toys, where she was playing. She playfully crawled across the room, not even at Duke, not even in his direction and he quickly snapped and growled at her. And I was right there! He did it right in front of me. Luckily he didn't make any contact. I told Big Daddy, we decided that he was startled and it was a one time thing. We kept a closer eye on him when he was near Adeline. He continued to pee in his kennel and have some other behavioral issues. Then he snapped and growled at Adeline again, unprovoked. And then he did it again. Big Daddy and I decided it was time for him to go.

It was a very hard decision, many tears were shed. After talking with some professionals we decided that he NEEDED some training. Frankly it was training we just can't afford right now, like near $1000. So I contacted an amazing rescue group that paid for Duke to get caught up on shots and get an exam AND they have already placed him in an amazing foster home. I feel bad. I really do, it breaks my heart to think that he isn't going to know what the hell is going on for a while. And poor Tucker is going to have to adjust to being the only dog in the house.

He leaves this weekend.

I am sure I am going to cry. But then I look at Adeline and I change my mind. I am doing this for her, for her safety. What if the next time he snaps he makes contact? What if he literally were to scar my baby for life? It's just not safe to keep him in our home, and around our baby. I feel like a failed puppy parent though, like I didn't do something right. I didn't train him right, didn't prepare him for Adeline enough, blah blah blah.

But I know, down to my bones that I am doing the right thing for Adeline. And that's what matters.

And Duke will be so much happier in a home without small children.

Bye Duke, we will miss you! We will miss your quirky little ways, like how you hate when Tucker and Big Daddy wrestle and come tattle on them, and how you drool like crazy when its time to eat, how you eat like you are starving....at every meal, how you love puppy snuggles, how you LOVE your Grandma Patti. We hope you enjoy your new home!

Thankful on a Thursday

2010-09-02T08:41:00.003-05:00

What are you thankful for this week?

1. Going on walks with Addie.

2. Self talk and deep breathing.

3. Pedicures, especially when combined with girl talk.

4. Patience.

5. Setting goals, even knowing that getting there will be tough.

6. Getting thank you cards in the mail.

7. A healthy family.

8. Great advice.

9 Month Letter

2010-09-01T13:27:00.004-05:00

My sweet Adeline,

You have been out of my belly just as long as you were in there. Weird thought, but, you know, it's true. Then, I had 9 months to prepare for you, and watch my belly grow. Now, I have had 9 months to learn about you and watch you grow before my eyes. And my goodness have you grown. You have gotten taller and quite a bit leaner. You are losing some of your baby chub roll by roll. Everyone told me as soon as you started moving you would start losing your chub. And while we are on that subject, you are quite the mover. I am pretty sure the only times you are still are when you are asleep. And you know what? Even then I imagine you are tossing and turning a lot. You are now a freaking pro at crawling, making it all around the house and fast! You pull up on everything and cruise around every piece of furniture. You have even started letting go with one hand while standing. Your Parents as Teachers lady said she predicts you will be walking by 10 or 10.5 months. I know, shocking to me too! You love exploring your world, one of your favorite things to do is crawl to the front or back door, stand up and look outside. So full of wonder, hands pressed to the glass. I opened the blinds halfway on most of the windows so you can explore your world whenever you want.

You have said what your Daddy and I count as your first word, after months of babbling and noisemaking. Your Daddy was coming home from work last week, you heard the door from the garage open and you crawled your little heart out to get to the gate at the top of the stairs. You squealed with delight when you saw your Daddy and out came your sweet little voice "Dadadadada, Dada, Dada" while looking right at your Daddy. Since then whenever he comes home from work or when you two are playing you do the same, look him in the eye and say "Dada!". It's so neat to see your little brain working. But honestly, um, every little thing you do is a joy to watch.

You are a joy Adeline, my joy.

Love you baby girl, Happy 9 Months!

Love,

Momma

Thankful on a Thursday

2010-08-26T12:24:00.004-05:00

Oh you know what this is by now right?

It's more for me than you, but you are more than welcome to join in the fun.

1. The weather cooling off a bit when the sun goes down, giving me that little taste of fall I have been craving.

2. Family walks.

3. My brother's sense of humor.

4. Finding a little ole job that's perfect for us right now.

5. Adeline saying "DADA" while looking at Big Daddy, and then saying it again and again and again.

6. Can I just say this every week? I am just so gosh darn thankful for a hubby that works so gosh darn hard to provide for his little family.

7. Forgiveness, especially after petty little arguments.

8. Homemade brownies.

9. Great advice about a tough situation.

10. Finding a solution for the tough situation.

Who needs toys?

2010-08-24T07:00:00.000-05:00

When you have the bag the toys came in?

It's a Date!

2010-08-23T14:05:00.003-05:00

All summer long, well every other week at least, I watched my nephew. I wanted to do something special for his last day of summer so I surprised him and my mom with a lunch date. My mom is pretty much his favorite person so it was pretty special for him. Of course Adeline came along and celebrated with us.

My Mom and my nephew.

Addie trying her first pickle...not a fan.

After the pickle debacle she went right back to being her adorable self.

I mean, have you seen a cuter face than this?

And then she went for the big kill. Smushy face kissing Momma with the hug combo.

She kills me with the cute every day.

Life's a Beach

2010-08-20T14:47:00.004-05:00

Summer is (sort of) winding down and Big Daddy and I want to squeeze in a few more summer memories. Thankfully the 110 degree weather has finally left and we can actually go outside. This week we decided to take Adeline to the beach for the very 1st time. Don't get too excited I live smack dab in the middle of the country, we are talking a beach of the lake variety. Either way we hadn't taken Adeline yet this summer so it was perfect timing. We met up with my family and had a little picnic and had a grand ole time. (Except for that inebriated stranger, but that story is for another time!)

Big Daddy and Adeline getting ready to see the beach.

Me and Adeline.

My favorite people.

Exploring the sand.

Cautiously entering the water.

Splash, splash, splash! Loving it of course, she is my water baby!

Crawling in the sand and water while Big Daddy cautiously watches. She didn't even face plant once!

It was so much fun and I am glad Addie got to see the beach before summer ends.

Thankful on a Thursday

2010-08-19T08:29:00.003-05:00

I'm on a roll folks, three weeks in a row!

What are YOU thankful for this week?

1. Friends who I can talk about poop and very womanly things with. And, yes in fact these are two different friends.

2. The calm and protective nature of my brother and Big Daddy who kept us safe in a sticky situation earlier this week. I may write about it, let's just say it was a family evening interrupted by a very rowdy and inebriated stranger.

3. Watching Adeline grow ( and grow and grow and grow). P.S. She started cruising yesterday!

4. Snuggles.

5. Fixing my sewing machine.

6. A break from the heat.

7. Motivation.

8. Belly laughs

9. Foot rubs.

"That" Mom

2010-08-18T07:00:00.004-05:00

Okay this post may come off a little judge-y. But really in the end it's more about me judging myself. Anyway I had a few (tons!) of preconceived notions about what kind of mom I was going to be and what I was not going to be. I never wanted to be the mom who is all dolled up and looking cute while their child is in ratty clothes with dirty face. Also? I never wanted to be the mom whose child is dressed cute and hair is done while she is in sweats sporting a ponytail.

Guys? I am the mom with the ponytail sporting sweats who doesn't want to have her picture taken with her daughter.

This has come about for a few reasons.

1) Convenience. Plain and simple. Doesn't take as much time to wear a ponytail and no makeup.

2)Comfort. Sweats really are more comfortable.

3)Laziness.

4)Self-esteem issues? I have gained weight. Dang it. In the two weeks after I had Addie I lost all my baby weight and then some. 45 lbs to be exact. (Thank you gallbladder removal!). And then I was all depressed and I lost more (Thank you PPD! Not really). Then I started medication that as my therapist put it would "give me the munchies". And it did. BAD! And I am so upset with myself. When I got pregnant with Addie I was healthier than I have ever been in my life. Not the skinniest by any means. But toned and doing cardio at least 4 times a week, Pilates a couple times, Zumba once a week. I was well on my way to getting to my goal. And then guess what? I lost all desire and energy to work out once I got pregnant. And I hadn't really gotten it back.

Until last week. I looked at some pictures of Adeline and I ,and I thought, she deserves better than this. Adeline deserves a happy, healthy Momma who feels good about herself. I feel all this responsibility as her Mom to show her how to have positive self-esteem. To show her that being healthy is what matters. No matter your size or body type or skin type or hair type. So I started a combo of the 30-day Shred and Yoga Meltdown by Jillian Michaels. I feel better already. It's easier for me to pop in a 30 minute video every day then cart Adeline to the gym and put her in their daycare (p.s. worst daycare EVER!).

And?

I got my haircut.

Gone are the split ends!

Gone are the lifeless layers that did nothing for my curls!

Gone is the ponytail! (Most days)

I went from this......

To this.

So much better already.

A little outing

2010-08-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

The past couple weeks have been hot, really hot. Heat index of 115 degrees plus 75% humidity hot. Just how we roll in the midwest. It's really put a cramp in your style because Adeline loves to be outside and I love fresh air, and Big Daddy loves to hang out with his girls. Unfortunately heat stroke doesn't sound like fun. So we have been limiting our activities outside of the house to air conditioned facilities. But you can only walk around Target so many times you know? (That's a lie, I could walk around Target every day!)

Anyway Sunday we woke up and I let the dogs out. Instead of being met with stifling heat, and air so thick you can't breathe I was met with *GASP* a cool breeze. We made plans to do something outdoors as a family that day. So we did. We went to a nearby shopping district. It's outdoors and historical and so pretty. And the weather was perfect. It was in the 80's, but after two weeks in the 100+ it felt divine.

Adeline and Big Daddy gearing up for some window shopping and fountain watching.

The area has plenty of stores, some high end, some middle ground. All fun. We went to Pottery Barn Kids and swooned at, um, everything. Let Addie sit in an "anywhere chair" and now I am pretty sold on getting her one or one like it for the big birthday. Then we went to this crazy crowded toy store. Neat toys, but really tight aisles and we couldn't really fit with the stroller. Attn Toy Store Managers: People with strollers will probably be your main customers, you may want to change that.

People stopped and "oohed" and "aahhd" over Adeline. Most let us know that her little foot was hanging out. Yes, we know. That's just how Adeline likes to ride in her stroller, one foot out. I tried to put it back a million times. Turns out, she wins.

A lot of people I know have had their picture taken by these stairs, I think they are some landmark or at least really well known. So of course I took Adeline and Big Daddy's picture on them. Note to self, put a hat or some sunglasses on my child.

After a couple hours of strolling around and looking all over stores, Adeline took a little snooze. Big Daddy and I continued to shop and walk around and talk and enjoy the beautiful day as a family.

And it was

a beautiful day spent with my little family.

A sign of what's to come.

2010-08-16T14:07:00.005-05:00

First let me brag about how I have been working on Adeline's baby book and I am all caught up. Yep, like completely up to date up until 8.5 months. And? And I have pictures in photo albums all caught up, just waiting for some captions. Yes, I use the memo kind. Anyway in doing the baby book an photo albums I used the blog a lot. Why? Because I couldn't really remember on what day she did what and what exactly her quirks were at each month. So I came here, and thankfully was able to read my monthly letters to Addie, and be like, OMG the scrunchy face. YES! The scrunchy face, I miss that face. And promptly write about it in her book. And then I got to the last couple of months and realized, um, where's all the blogs about what we did. And then I remembered, oh yeah I hardly ever blog anymore. Which got me thinking. Somewhere along the way blogging became a chore, not fun etc. I don't know why/how/when it happened but it did. Maybe because I got to 60 followers and I felt some pressure to be a better writer and write funny/hilarious/poignant posts every time. And against the pressure I was just like, um nevermind.

Which brings me to this point. I am going to blog more regularly now. Not every day, but more often. And if you don't like to read posts about the coolest new thing Adeline is doing or what we did over the weekend, then you don't have to. I am getting back to the reason I started this blog. To document. To write down my thoughts about Adeline and being a mom. For me to get it out and have it written, and if you like, for you to read.

Hot hot hot!

2010-08-10T14:05:00.003-05:00

Well you gotta love the Midwest. Snow on the ground consistently last winter from Christmas Day until Mid-February kept us cooped up with a newborn. And now? Well even the weather man says it's too hot to play outside. Poor Addie can't catch a break.

I think we all brought it upon ourselves, complaining about the snow and the cold. Remind me this winter when I beg for warmth to be more specific.

Picture Post

2010-08-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

I have some faithful followers.

The biggest fan is probably my mom.

And since she is my biggest fan and called me the other day specifically to say "Um, you need to update your blog more...and with pictures!"

Here is a post with pictures.

Of Adeline.

Not me.

I need a hair cut and to wear makeup more often and avoid the camera on the daily.

Who is this big kid holding their own sippy?

And who is this playing so independently?

Where oh where did my little baby go?

There you are. Some updated photos of Adeline.

Hope you like them.

Especially you Mom.

8 Month Letter.

2010-08-06T14:12:00.004-05:00

"You are the best thing that's ever been mine"

Dear Adeline-

Some days I hold you and give you a squeeze and think, "I couldn't possibly love you anymore than I do right now". And then the next day you do something funny or endearing and my heart swells EVEN more. I am so blessed to be spending all of this time with you, so blessed to have you in my life. Watching you learn and figure out your world. Which you are doing quite well. The cabinets and toilets will have locks on them this weekend, much to your dismay. You love crawling all around the house exploring, and yes, you actually crawl now. Gone are the days of what your Daddy and I affectionately called "The Worm", you are in all senses of the word mobile. Growing more and more independent by the day. You don't really let Daddy or I rock you to sleep anymore, you used to lay your head down and snuggle before bed. Now? You may rest your head for a few seconds but then you are quickly reaching and arching to get down on the ground and move. You are pulling up on everything, almost standing on your own. Holding your own bottle. Feeding yourself table food. Flipping through books on your own. But then, there are those moments I am learning more and more to bottle up. Little signs that you still need me. Like when you stand up and then look at me and give a little shout like "Hey Momma, how the heck do I get down from here? HALP!" Or when you crawl over to me and get into my lap, reach in for a hug, rest your sweet head on my chest and suck your thumb....just for 5 seconds and then you are off. It's like you know that I need that little bit of your baby-ness to get me through these ever changing days. And they ARE ever changing. You literally learn something new every day. A new sound or babble, a new place to explore, a new way to move, a new way to melt my heart. It's so fun to watch, but so bittersweet. You are growing too fast! Slow down! Please? Or at least snuggle a little more? Momma needs some extra reassurance right now, reassurance that a part of you will be my baby forever.

Love you sweet girl,

Momma

Stigma

2010-08-02T09:28:00.001-05:00

stig-ma (stig-muh)

1. a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one's reputation

2. Medicine/Medical

a. a mental or physical mark that is characteristic of a defect or disease.

I am just going to throw this out there. I think there is a stigma against mental disorders, or disorders of mental health or however you want to say it. I was reading Postpartum Progress again, and a post Katherine wrote really got me thinking. She was pleading with the media to please stop assuming every single hurt child out there must have a mom suffering from PPD.

It got me thinking. Really thinking. What was behind the half-smiles and "You'll get through this" I heard when I confessed my diagnosis? At the time I was so glad to have an answer, a reason for feeling my world spinning. The sleepless nights, the racing thoughts, the utter heartbreak, they all had a reason. And best of all, labeling it with a diagnosis from a doctor no less, made it seem less my fault. I felt better telling people it was PPD. It's the hormones! I am not really crazy, this just happens to some women after they have a baby. It's completely out of my control. And you won't judge me right? Because it's not like I am some knife-wielding psychopath. But wait.

I was being judged. Looking back I whipped out my diagnosis to almost anyone who asked how I was doing. I was in survival mode. And in that mode saying it out loud, I have PPD and PPA, was like a salve to my gaping wounds. Little did I know what probably most people were thinking. Those looks, sometimes of pity, were also sometimes of fear. I am not sure if it was fear that I could lash out at any minute, fear that I was, in fact, crazy, or worse, fear that I was going to harm my child. Looking back, I wish I would have kept my diagnosis closer to the vest. Not because I am ashamed of it, at all! But because I just don't feel like society as whole is accepting of mental illness yet. Even I am not sometimes, honestly. I got a letter in the mail the other day from my life insurance company, who had contacted my former employer. In my employee file it is listed that I didn't return to work after the birth of my daughter due to "Major Depressive Disorder". No, no I thought, I wasn't depressed in the traditional sense, I wasn't really crazy, it was just hormonal. I had Postpartum Depression, completely different. My file needs to be corrected, I didn't have Major Depression. Turns out, the DSM-IV doesn't specify. And neither should I.

Reading Katherine's article was informative. But it really got me thinking. What can we do to lift the stigma? Is it enough to know that I have a healthy, thriving daughter? A daughter who crawls over to me and plants the sloppiest kisses on my cheek. A daughter that I would never have hurt, ever. What can be done to lift the stigma placed on all mental disorders?

Education? Getting the word out? For now I will do my part.

My name is Katie and I suffered from PPD and PPA aka Major Depressive Disorder, single episode in full remission, Anxiety Disorder related to Major Depression. I was previously mentally healthy, with no major risk factors.

It can happen to anyone, at anytime. I pray no one ever has to go through what I did, but if I know of someone who does. I will not judge them. I will not for one minute. I will simply listen, and give them a hug. And support them.

We already know, she looks like her Daddy

2010-07-30T07:00:00.000-05:00

But I mean...come on! Could they be any more alike?

^Big Daddy^ ^Adeline^

I think they have a different head shape, and a different face shape...but pretty much look the same other than that. It's weird looking at baby pictures of Big Daddy and doing a double take because it looks so much like Adeline.